Oh my God.
This story made me cry more times than I can count.
I can't believe that they didn't end up together..
I wish Dylan was strong and brave enough to fight for their love :(

It was a very well written and riveting story.
Short but amazing.

im really sorry about my previous review..but this story irked me...i just think that if you gave your characters well some character than they might actually be liked...

i think you have the potential to become a good writer =]]

i have this tendency to read through the entire story even when if i know its going to be pointless and predictable.

i guess when you thought of creating mr.lee you envisioned a powerful,arrogant and bossy man with no cojones huh?? what is up with that? and in the story..Kayla had pride?? i don't think so, so it was kind of pointless for her to try and salvage what was left of it don't you think?

your ending leaves your readers with something to be desired. Even if you were still going to end it with them it could have been done in a less abrupt manner.

And since when can someones mother force them into a marriage..this is the 21st century..if shes dependent on him then she should be trying to make him happy.

Your characters were not believable (sorry) and you have a lot of mistakes in spelling and grammar.

NO how could you do this to me?! Damn i cried the last two chappies!! I cant believe you they were suppose to be togeether no v.v HOW COULD YOU! I HATE YOU! >:O

The ending to this story made me cry. They loved each other, and it reminded me of what real life does to people, we make mistakes and we never get to have second chances. Because sometimes It's not fair, sometimes life isn't meant to end happily and not every story has the fairy tale come true, i feel so sorry for Dylan, he was stuck between a hard place and a stone wall. Their story will always be one of my favorites even if it didn't end happily for either of them. Because deep down in Kayla will always love Dylan more then whoever she is with, and Dylan will always be unhappy because of his choices. Maybe true love is cruel and it doesn't always happen but when it does people need to learn that once you have something like that it won't end until your both dead. :)
Just some of my thoughts.

chile, this story got me so *tears* messed up. It was one of the most tear jerking, but i loved it!

I just finished this story.. in a day.
It was pretty good, I laughed, I cried, I got angry at
Mr. Lee for being so spineless in the presence of his mother, all the emotions in the spectrum.

The only part I didn't like was the ending.
There wasn't enough character development for Jed. Nobody
could really identify with him enough to be "ecstatic"
that he ended up with Keys. I know he's a good guy and all (and Keys deserves a nice one), but the story focused on Lee and Key's character, so we were able to get a feel for who they were.

Which leads me to say that I wished Lee and Keys ended up together. Obviously I was hoping Lee would finally have the guts to rid himself of his mom and Danielle, and finally admit to himself, Keys, AND the public that "Yes, Keys is a maid, who cares? I love her. We're together" etc, etc.

Um...that is called stalking...yup

So I sped read through a few chapters, still hate Kayla, never quite understood why she was raising her brother...or how her brother was so young with a father who was so old..what happened to her mother...wait I think you explained that but didn't really make an impression...still hate kayla...Mr. Lee...Jordy b/c she sucks as a friend (apologize to Mr. Lee, I feel bad for yelling..spare me) and honestly only like Jake...cause Transformers was the best part.

I don't understand how he was suppose to meet her halfway. Was he just going to have to accept that she was a servant and couldn't be part of the classless rich society he ran with?

SELF-Respect...she needs some..

On another note!

I read this story through completely, even though I hated it!
Which means, I like your style, the writing I mean. But writing is a craft, that needs to be worked on and I think you need to work on the character development. Grammar wise, spelling, sentence structure, descriptions, and dialogue..All good.

The character's themselves? they had no character, they didn't connect to the real world, they weren't realistic. And yes I know this is fiction and you have say over everything, but in writing you have to connect to your readers. Whether it be through the plot or a character. Your character's seemed far fetched...really? not even one scene where she yelled at someone for calling her a servant or a "maid"?

I'm still on that, sorry

It bother's me mainly because you have 200+ reviews, which means a lot of people read your work and no one commented on this enough for you to actively try to shape up your character. And yes maybe it was your intention to write her as a weak woman but at some point their should have been a change, all character's undergo change in stories. Kayla stayed the same throughout the entire story! She had no self-respect...and saying no to Mr. Lee wasn't enough of a scene to show any character growth. Mr. Lee was a spoiled, chauvinistic, arrogant SOB! I hated him.

Alright, I've written enough. I like your style...even if I hated this story lol. I will look you up again, it isn't everyday you get me writing this much on ficpress.

"You’re a lot stronger than we both thought."

lolololol I love that line, priceless! Delusional!

and the whole I love you, she still hasn't gotten over him because she still doesn't love herself enough to realize he was a piece of crap! all this I will love you forever, your killing me garbage!

ugh last chapter next

“I’m not being childish. I’m being real. And rational."

hahahah She's real and rational now! lolololol

I've come to the realization that stuff like this could only happen to dumb girls like Kayla. And that his is fiction and I'm letting personal notions about women interfere in your work of fiction...

I'm reading on

I didn't think it was possible but I would rather read a Mary Sue than continue reading this blatant death of the woman's worth. !!

"Sadly, I understood why he would deny us. I realized that it all had to do with his damn pride and reputation. A man like him could never be seen with a girl like me. The rules of life just couldn’t allow it. He was rich and wanted. I was neither."

Rules in life? I seriously...and I mean seriously hope you don't believe the hogwash you are writing and this is a work of pure fiction. Money and class does not define love and people don't have rules of social order to follow. Yes would a cleaner actually marry someone like Trump? probably not, but could they be attracted to each other? yes! could they get married and be successful? yes! because relationship's are about mutual respect for one another and respect for one's self.

and putty in his hands? seriously? it took one hott rich guy to make this girl forget her principles, her morals, her self-respect, her identity!! all over some rich SOB?
and then she had sex with him!

ugh I'm disgusted

reading on...

oh and is Mr. Lee suppose to be Trump? Honestly, when has real estate moguls been on E?

...I'm being picky and a pain...and that word that rhymes with witch but I'm reading on...I hate Kayla

"I was never one to use serious profanity, I was never degraded to the point of rancor and despair. But that minute, in that stall, in that stupid bathroom in that dumb hotel, I felt lower than horse shit."

really? and being called nothing but a servant didn't do it right? really really hate her...A LOT!

And Mr. Lee? It seriously does look like pretty woman, but Richard Gere had the decency and the class to apologize and be nice to Julia Roberts.
It seems your rich don't have etiquette and your poor don't have pride.

Reading on.

I really like your story and I like Mr. Lee and Kayla but I gotta admit that the fact that you don't address the blatant disrespect he has for her job is getting on my nerves!
Your just a cleaner? a servant? and she takes this?
What the hell? Where is her pride? Does she have any?
Do you have any? Have you ever cleaned up after someone? Been called a cleaner?
He is insulting her! Disrespecting her!! and degrading her!!
This is not a basis for a relationship or a romance.
And even though I like the premise of your plot...I gotta admit I hate you characters. I hate that she has not guts, spunk, or moxy to say to Mr. Lee, "Go eff yourself"

In the real world this story would never happen, that comment would never had gone by. The whole sir thing...out the window.
...I usually don't flame, I try to be constructive
But the idea that you wouldn't address this bother's me soo much.

I'm reading on...sorry if I sound a bit...over the top.