Very mysterious and very pretty. I feel just a bit unsatisfied, though, but that's probably just because I don't fully understand what's going on.

[Pulling at her loose clothing, it seemed to try its best to move her.

But she did not move.]

I thought that was a very nice. The opening, as a whole, was good.

I hope you continue with this. :)

You're right, this is different from your usual stuff, but I thought it was pretty interesting. Very mysterious, indeed. I must confess I'm not even sure what the hell is going on, but it gets my curiosity up to see what happens next.

It's an unusual hook for a story, yet it still manages to work. I look forward to seeing where you take this.

(This review was brought to you by The Anti Silence Squad at The Roadhouse. Cheers!)

I like your writing style and how it flows, very poetic. The description is very good. I do believe the italicized lines should have some punctuation and grammar, though. To me these few lines sound a bit chunky; "Seeing the dark forms moving around. Hearing the occasional muffled scream. Smelling the faint twinge of blood." But, thats just my opinion. Otherwise, I like it very much.

Great write!

-Drea {heart shaped box}

In almost all of your italics there's 'i's that could be capitalized. But since they'll all lowercase, I assume you want to do that as part of the style. Then in the part right after the second grouping of italics it says 'some time', and that can be made into 'sometime' one word.

I love how you open with the image of the gray scarf tumbling through the woman/girl's dark hair. I really look forward to you adding more and finding out where you go with this story.

Very neat start. Can't wait to see more.

~Caecilia, down at the Roadhouse

I like it, an interesting start. I hope you carry on!

I like this, but it really leaves me wondering what it's about. To be honest, I half wondered if it's about a bird? Because when you say she lets out a soft hiss, I thought maybe a bird song, and then when she leaps from her perch and sails below.. I don't know, it sounds like a bird to me, but hey, I could be WAY off.

Anyway, I like it. It has a really depressing, secretive mood to it.

Katie