It's very good. I take it it's about dying, and your belief about what happens? Has nice descriptions.

Nice poem. :) I like how you describe the person's death and their journey to heaven. I especially like the line, "I am forgotten just as memories fade away", because that's what seems to happen as time goes on; you start forgetting what the dead person was like. The poem flowed nicely.
:)

i like it my favorite line in here is "I become a waterfall and no one can hear my cries" that is a really good line well done and keep writing

hay it is me the auther of "Love Never Fails" i like this poem you are pretty good yourself i don't get why people would say this poem is not as good as it really is i like it and you like it all that matters is wether you like it ok have fun and keep being creative, keep writing and keep loveing it is all i say hope to talk to you later

~Hentell Ann Rothorn

I have nothing critical to say about this. It was awesome! I loved how you included God. Great job!!

Aw! How sweet in a sad sort of way! That was also very well written. Great job with all of ur poems!
And u know, i think i'm going to add u as a favorite! :)

Beautiful, beautiful poem! I love it. However, there is only one thing I'd like to point out. I agree with English Summer Rain. I think the point that's brought up about being "drawn" is a good idea. It adds a nicer flow and such but it is not needed. Other than that you did an excellent job! This poem is amazing. Please keep writing!! And this is going in my favorites. =)

The other reviewer's comments are spot-on.

I see the "I become" trope, but I think it interferes. One doesn't "become left behind"; one "is" left behind; one doesn't "become forgotten"; one "is" forgotten. It may be semi-sacreligious to say so, but I try hard to not let the arbitrary rigidity of meter or rhyme schemes or other rules get in the way of what I'm trying to say. Follow your rules when you can, but don't be afraid to break them!

Luck.

interesting. i like the concept, though some of your lines could have been worded a little better. such as 'i am dead, released from the pull of gravity and floating towards the light' could (and here i exaggerate the 'could' part) become 'i am dead, released from the pull of gravity and drawn towards the light', so there could be that contrast between being released and then drawn to something. if that makes sense. just an example, i'm not saying you should do it :)

also punctuation! was the lack of punctuation at the end of the lines intentional?

as i was reading some of the rhymes seemed a little forced especially the first and last, but your rhythm was good, and that's something i find really hard to do with rhyming poems.

and just one last thing, your last line seemed a little vague and indefinite. a pure being of what kind?

overall, great work, keep writing :D