|Reviews for Why Do I|
| Lime-Cat 8/16/08 . chapter 1
I didn't see a point to most of the ellipses that you used in this poem because it didn't add any special effect to the piece, overall.
A comma would have sufficed in the "Why do I..." parts.
The third line in the first stanza was a bit long and it's a bit choppy when transitioning into the fourth line. I think it would be better if the line was split into two to read, "And listen to messages/I took no heed to?". Then, "Look at this place..." would be the final line of the stanza.
I didn't really like the last line of the first stanza because even though you ask the reader to look at something, there isn't enough information from the previous lines for the reader to draw a picture out of it.
"And none of them will someone take" - perhaps it was the wording of this line, but I had a hard time understanding it. Could you clarify?
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