I love the story!

great story hope to see more keep it up

Still see the grammar errors, but I found the second chapter to be better written then the first one. The first chapter sound a bit forced to me, in this chapter I didn't feel it as much, but at some parts I did feel like they were story-fillers.

It has an interesting story line, I give you that, but I still find the story hard to read, still isn't fluent to me

PB

Hello

(Am reviewing everyone who reviewed me)

Interesting beginning

i find it a bit hard to read though. There are a few grammar mistakes, like using present tense when having to use past tense, and stuff like that. Would advise you to take a beta-reader who's good at things like that.

I wish the description of her at the ending went a bit deeper into her character, but I guess you saved that for the next chapters to come.

PB

yeah there were some mistakes like you said, but the story was so good that i ignored them... very well done chapter, maybe you could read my vampire story, though it's not very good, but it's not too long either... hope you update soon! Bye!

~Zuko's Chick~