I think you should keep the whole story as one person's POV, because it is not as confusing.

I maintain that you need a healthy does of realism, normal people aren't back on their feet after being shot and little girls aren't allowed to carry pain medication in their jacket pockets, much less allowed to administer it. Additionally, the whole going into the gym thing. Why? Why wouldn't she let the SWAT team or whatever police-y type person in charge who would be trained for this stuff handle it? And why would he/she allow that?

Please explain.

I'd like the character, she's respectable, if not for the reactions of the people around her. I doubt a "jock type" would be afraid of a girl, or if he was, show it around his friends, and I find it unlikely that a police man who's dealt with actually dangerous people would be allow her to go against policy either, much less allow her to throw him on the ground like that. Just fix the way people react to her, and I'm sure it'll be much better.

THAT'S HORRIBLE! :( GL Lindsay

WHOA... I don't even know what to say!

WOW! Awesome start! I love how you introduce the characters so well. I would definitely not want to get on Lindsay's bad side though... 'shudders' most of us are better off without broken noses.

I like your story. The only thing I would have done differently would have been to explain things a little more and make it more detailed.

Nice!

I don't see why people are complaining about the story because even though it was short it was great. I liked it very much I think it's because I am obsessed with vampire stories. Don't be to hard on yourself ; you are doing great.

crazy story. its been a little bit confusing but i think im starting to understand now :)

yay that was funny...but i did like it alot, so er...keep going XD ;)

please please one more chapter!

D

kudos

Even if you aren't too fond of someone, you would have to be straight up evil to want to see them killed.

If I were her, I would've done more than just punching Lara's mother. No one steal's my baby and gets to live and tell the tale. Hahahaha. Anyway... like I said, you have me hooked!

Okay... super cliff-hanger! And OMG! She's a mommy! W0W! Want you to know that I'm just too lazy to review on each chapters but I'll review anyway. I love the twist by the way.