Omg! I love how you start and end the story/book/thing with almost the exact same sentence. This story gave me a great idea, and no, i'm not using any of your stuff. I love u!

i think you did a decent job writing something that, while cliche and opening with the main characters in bed the night after a drunken one-night-stand, has a different angle. the fact that stories involving bands/musicians are a weakness of mind may have influenced my opinion a bit.

there are some things you could have worked on like unnecessary passages or side characters that are useless or forgettable. i would provide an example, but i've already forgotten ;) also, i have a problem with keri. she showed a lot of promise early on, but later on, i stopped caring about her and her problems. i'm not sure why, to be honest, so sorry i can't provide better feedback on that. in fact, i only finished the story because i really felt for nick and the lost friendship story line. i wanted to see how the two would repair their friendship and i didn't really get as much of that as i would have liked. i also liked kevin (probably because i relate to him as a fellow xc/track runner) and his story with rochelle, which, in the end, didn't impact me since their relationship was more told rather than shown.

anyway, i don't really like the ending, but that's because i'm dead inside and saw it coming a million miles away, so that kind of bored me. otherwise though, you're an excellent writer of dialogue and good job with coming up with the story :)

oh one question i had while reading: who is the lyricist of little less obvious? do all band members get a say in writing their songs? because i'd like to know who wrote "little love." i'm guessing kevin and/or nick...

(Ch. 1) There was no one in the world that Keri DeGiovanni hated more than Alexander Vidal.
(Epilogue) There was no one in the world that Keri DeGiovanni loved more than Alexander Vidal.

Two words: Mind. Blowing.

This story was one of the cutest, most heartrenching things I have ever read. [The amount of cursing threw me off, though. (Not too big of a problem, though; I'm just not used to so much :3)] Alex and Keri/BB were adorable, Kevin and Rochelle were adorable (NOOOO! D,: Can't believe they broke it off), and Jenai is the cutest thing in the universe.

I think what I loved the most about the story was Alex. Alex is like no other villain turned hero I've ever read about before. He's not a jock, he's not strong, he's not a bad boy, he's not a nerd turned hot, he's...Alex. Average. Popular, yes, sex-driven (at first) yes, but definitely unique. The only thing jerkish about him (and this is in the beginning of the story) is how he liked one-night stands, getting drunk, etc.

But really? He's sweet, he's kind. He's there for his friends, his friends are there for him. I mean, it took him a YEAR to try as succeed to become closer to Keri. And he never gave up. He took her to the beach, got her a turquoise necklace, took her to prom, the whole shebang! And when he and Keri finally became friends, he conplimented her and -he showed so much care for Keri, a girl who absolutely loathed him. He practically went to the ends of the Earth to get her back when he messed up. The whole Alex-and-Keri-had-sex-rumor-has-it and Tracy-is-back incidents really messed his relationship up with Keri. Seriously bad. But he worked hard to get Keri back.

Now Keri was slightly less than awesomesauce. I liked her in the beginning. I actually didn't picture as Japalian (?), so she actually looked like a nerd in my head, with the big glasses and all. So I thought the story was going to be another nerd/jock thing with me beig on Keri's side.

I have to admit, during the course of the story I shifted to Alex's side.

Don't get me wrong, Keri's an awesome girl (she balances school and free time and work -she must be a friggin wizard), but with the way she kept treating Alex, even when they became friends, calling him a dumb*ss and other cuss words when HE was being so sweet to her and complimenting her...she was just GAAAAH. And then not letting Alex explain GAAAAAH. And when Alex kept telling her to stop listening to rumors and she listened to the one where she and Alex supposedly had sex GAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I felt so bad for Alex. That rumor wouldn't have been spread of Keri hadn't made a move on Alex first (even though they actually didn't have sex). That annoyed me greatly throughout the course of the story. Alex was trying so hard to change for her and Keri kept pegging him as the man-wh*re with no heart and -just no. Alex didn't have sex for a whole friggin year after he experienced it with Keri and did so many things for her and she thinks he doesn't CARE.

That's probably the only thing that ticked me off in the story. But back to the positives.

MY GODS, I loved the character interactions! The way Nick and Alex treat each other was funny! I especially liked the part where Alex is trying to ask Keri to come on a double date and he's like what the f*** do I tell her?! And Keri says, "Maybe you should cover up the phone better next time." And Bella and Alex when Alex bet 10 bucks he could get Keri to do something. And all he said was, "Hey Keri! I'll buy you some gelato!" and she was by his side, haha!

But the book was quite amazing. I can't believe you made this story when you were 16 -four years ago right? Wow.

Thank you for writing; I noticed you haven't written in a REALLY long time, but that you posted and updated your profile during January, so I'm assuming you still roam FictionPress. :)

But anyways, thank you thank you thank you. This was a wonderful way to pass the week ad I enjoyed all the characters IMMENSELY. Alex and Keri were adorable. The presents they got each other were adorable. I love this story so much.

Thank you. :) Keep writing!

-Lara

I really love this story! :')

best story ever

im loving the story

i think this is gonna be interesting

Loved this story!

I fucking love this story :3

There's plenty of cliche to this story, but I really like Alex; he made the story that much more enjoyable for me. There was some very useful characterization for him, Keri, Kevin, Kim, Bella, Cody, Nick...
For the most part, I believed the story, you know?
What else did I want to say...oh yeah, Alex reminded me, just a little, of Nathan on the UK show "Misfits".

Gaaaah. It was absolutely adorable. You did a great job keep the character personalities clear, etc.

xoxo,
JustWish

I actually loved this. Super romantic but not too cliche :)

Hey girl, hey!

It's Amy from A Drop of Romeo! Just stopping by to let you know that Little Less Obvious has been readded onto the site at it's new home on blogspot, along with a revamped review!

A classic tale of a night of drinking gone wrong. After a Sunday night end of summer bash, Keri DeGiovanni wakes up with a hangover from Hell. But that's not the worst part of the morning. Oh, no. That would be finding herself naked in bed with her nemesis, Alexander Vidal.

Keri always held a grudge against Alex from the time they were little kids. He's been a constant nuisance for as long as she can remember, but the breaking point was when he stole her best friend from her in middle school, leaving her alone. Come high school, his playboy, womanizing ways haven't help change her opinion of him. However, after that fateful night Alex sets his sights on her. First it's to lure her into another round in the sack, but morphs into him wanting to prove to her he isn't a bad guy. From tutoring sessions, pestering her at lunch, to being the lead singer of Little Less Obvious (the band and singer Keri's in love with), he's found a way to become a constant figure in her life; so constant that their relationship is continually evolving.

the64single manages to create characters that flaws that are a little difficult to overcome. When a person has acted a certain way for so long, it's hard to actually change, even when they want/have to. It makes the characters relatable, as we all have obstacles to overcome in becoming who we want to be. She writes scenes that literally make your breath hitch and your heart ache. With the exception of minor spelling errors throughout the story, I felt it was pretty well written. My only major critique would be the abrupt POV switches. It'll be in Keri's POV one moment and the next couple paragraphs would be her mother's, brother's, or a friend's, and then switching back to Keri. It just threw me for a loop a few times when I'd be seeing things from one person's perspective and then it's another's.

All in all, Little Less Obvious is one story you'll pull your hair out while reading, cry along with the characters, and believe that love really can stem from years of hatred.

Xoxo,
Amy

I LOVE ALEX!
That is all.

This was a greats story all the way to the very end. Loved the characters. BB was great as the main female character. I love how she held on to the bitter end to the idea that there was no way she could care or love Alex. Alex was the best villain-turned-love-of-my-life ever. Too cute he didn't remember any of the things he did in elementary school, but was more than willing to make up for it. I like how he just wanted to BB happy. Best scene ever, was BB's admittance that she was in love with LLO lead singer and wanted to have millions of his babies. Priceless the look on her face when that turned out to be Alex. Davis is the ultimate douchebag, but hey someone had to be. Excellent story! Please please keep writing!