dear god -

you write incredibly well. kind of terrifyingly well, for a college junior.

I forget the names for all the literary devices you've used (metaphor? allusion? flat-out imagery? uh...), what I can say is that they work together remarkably well - and the flow that the words have is pretty amazing.

I am so jealous right now - if I keep writing, I'll probably end up sounding like the bitter little girl that I am, so I'll leave it off here.

so yeah, GOOD JOB.
you've got crazy skills. :)

This story was a sad sort of lovelyness that is haunting(?)
I loved the last line particularly.

"He has a penchant for work and building houses (with wood and nails this time)..."

I liked the irony there. :)

"...where the waves might one day harvest her bones."

It was interesting to picture the surf uncovering the mermaid's remains after so many years. As always, you paint a very vivid picture with your words.

Well done,

-Ramen

I really enjoyed a lot of the imagery you used I found it to be somewhat refreshing, your short story painted a pretty vivid image, I really liked it, great work!

This is really good.

I haven't looked at your work for a while, so I was pretty excited to read this! And I really really like it too :) Am I wrong in thinking this is symbolic of growing up and leaving the dreams of childhood behind, or have my English Lit classes been getting to me?
Loved the sensory imagery, by the way. Great job!

Wow... this is incredibly lovely and incredibly haunting at the same time. There were some parts I really liked, such as "The wide-eyed child who watched the rocks with such intensity will be no more, and in his place will walk a man with sun-browned shoulders and a faraway gaze." and especially the last line. It's interesting to think about how much can change over time. Keep up the great work!

Wow! That was super good! I loved it! There was a certain esscence of poetry to it, very good!
Lady-Cheshire

I like the style you used in this story, your descriptions really put an image in my head, although quite a sad one. I do have to say that I loved it and good job :)

Very beautiful and simply sad. Love the last line, and the word, "harvest her bones". Fairly haunting ending.

Okay, so, this caught my eye when it came out because the title was just so very intriguing. And then I was all like, "Oh my gosh! I recognize that author! :D" and I got excited. xD And then I was like, "I simply must review this!" and then...lost track of time and forgot. -sweatdrop- But I remembered now and that's what matters, right? :)

You're really good at twisting fairy tales--is that a secret pleasure of yours? xD Either way, I really enjoyed it.

I think the thing that stuck out most to me what how much of an impact you managed to get across in so few words. The words just seem so perfectly placed, and the diction is just excellent. Each word holds so much meaning on its own, only made stronger when they're placed side-by-side together. While it's prose, it makes very much like poetry, and the poetic feel of this story is just amazing.

I'm quite jealous, by the way, of using that sort of poetic language; it gets across some amazing imagery. I'm not really sure what else to say--I just enjoyed reading this story so much that it called me back to review it days after it came out. xD

The whole thing is just superb. I can't note anything that I didn't like or think could have been done better, and I can barely even talk about specific parts of it because the whole thing just was so "Oh my gosh, wow." I think that might be because it works so well collectively as a whole more than on particular parts on their own. I will say, though, that the last paragraph was an amazing ending. It left me breathless with mild feelings of guilt and doom lurking underneath, which was probably what you were aiming for.

Magnificently done, well-written, and bravo on all accounts. :) It was amazing, and I feel just a little bad that I have nothing else to say but praise.

~Rayne Boe

Great short story. It had an almost poetic feel to it, being one of those parent-child moments. It paints the mermaid as a creature to be pitied, which is a new face for her. As always, your descriptions were spot on and beautifully linked. Well done.

This is very interesting. Have you ever read the original Little Mermaid by Hans Christian Anderson? Believe me, it is not the happy story depicted by Disney.

I liked all of the little details like building a cottage from materials that she trusted. They really made the story more...I don't want to say realistic, but that is the only word that comes to mind. What I mean is, details bring a story to life, and you did a great job capturing some little details. Great job!

~Daughter of the Faeries

Wow, that was beautifully written, it gave off kind of a dark-fairytale-ish feeling.

Anyhow, I thoroughly enjoyed it :)

I'm...speechless.
This was very beautiful. I love the description you used in this, it was so vivid. The words were strung together beautifuly, and it all just had a kind of flow.
Wonderful.