You're overly descriptive at times. Just kind of "He did this then did that then etc".

It's not that bad, but something I'd work on. I do applaud you for making it have an original feel to it.

The silent thing works for movies, it's tough to get a sense of the characters personalities. Maybe I'm wrong, in all honestly I haven't read too many novels in my life. I like it still though, good work.

Wow...that was just... wow. Can you say quick and brutal?

Anyway, don't worry about their being no dialogue in this piece - sometimes for something to be said well, nothing must be said at all, let his actions do all the talking! And very loud actions they were too.

I loved this.

Sy

It has it's own style which is good but more dialogue and charachter exploration in general would help. I liked it though it was written well.