I really don't know what to say about this story. It was a good, clearly a horror story. The end was solid and understandable. For three chapters, you did a good job. Keep up the good work.

I loved it! Amazing like normal!
It makes sense now... though I do get confused fairly easily.
I'm going to read another one of your stories and then hopefully work on the next chapter of mine!
The story is great! =)

Great! I love your writing.
You describe things wonderfully,
'Only a few seconds later, she was locked in the black SVU. The tinted windows let nothing come in to see her, and her screams made no effort to escape the vehicle.' I love that sentance. I can picture it! =)
Though, if you read both chapters things get slightly confusing becuase it's starts off the same, but that's what makes it.
There were a few spelling and grammar mistakes but other then that, it's great and I can't wait to read more!!
Update soon!

This is certainly an interesting story. I noted a few typos, like commas that were missing or should be semicolons, and "Eleven" shouldn't be capitalized.

"Tears were tarnishing her pale skin." Interesting idea, but it verges on the purple to me, as some of the rest of your writing does.

I like how you gave me a description, and I could relate to how Naomi was felling, with the car closing in around her.

Good job. :)

- Octavia, from the Review Game

Naomi really gives the readers a good journey in terms of what's happening. It's full of surprises. It's written pretty well, and does pull it off. The twists really give this depth.

Perhaps, it possible, I'd explain a bit more on this detour - a bit vague to have just said there was a detour - it might have been roadwork or something else. It's often obvious as something will be going on near say a detour sign or explain how annoying it was to have to take another route as well.

I think this is more suspense or mystery than drama. A bit more about Naomi before we go into this abrupt crisis would have given her more character and made this even more intruiging as we'll know her more.

holy crap. i was reading/reviewing to return your awsum ness. (if that makes any sense at all)
and this just... wow
wait what?
(rereads some parts)
okay um that was slightly.. disturbing. but gripping all the same.
great combination of dialogue/plot to keep the intensity going.
keep it up!