This is pretty good, but like the last one, it's got a lot of grammar errors, pretty much the same ones in the last chapter.

Also, you had a homonym mix up, you wrote, "If they did, would they except two misfits?" The word you needed was "accept".

Um, that's about all I've got for this one.

Oh, and one more thing...UPDATE! It's been six months!

That is all. :P

I liked the story itself, but your grammar needs a bit of work.

Your commas are in strange places. You've got some right, but there are places where you should have a comma and don't, and places where you shouldn't have a comma and do. If you were to read this story out loud, anywhere you would pause gets a comma.

Also, when you are using numbers as someone's age, a distance, or a time span (instead of "40 minutes", "fourty minutes". This does not count if you are saying the time). When you write the numbers, if they have two words for the number, put a dash between the words. It should be "twenty-seven", not "twenty seven".

Then, you need to put an apostrophe in before the "s" in words that are saying that something belongs to someone, or something. For example, instead of "the dogs bowl," it would be "the dog's bowl".

Sorry for the extremely long and criticizing review. The story really does sound good.

You said you liked constructive criticism! :P

[b]1. Readability[/b] - How easy your story is to read. A good story will obviously be much easier to read than a bad one.

[u]Flow of words[/u] /3

[u]Thoughts conveyed well[/u] /3

[u]Overall feeling[/u] /3

[u]How well each topic flows from paragraph to paragraph[/u] /1

[i][u]Overall[/u][/i] /10

(comments)

[b]2. Description[/b] - How well described your story was, including the language you use.

[u]Good/over use of words:[/u] /3

[u]Accurate/poor description:[/u] /3

[u]Atmosphere[/u] /3

[u]Description used[/u] /1

[i][u]Overall[/u][/i] /10

(comments)

[b] [/b] - How original the story is. If it's been done before this will be low.

[u]Concept:[/u] /3

[u]Wording:[/u] /3

[u]Creativity(Creatures, places)[/u] /3

[u]Inventive[/u] /1

[i][u]Overall[/i][/u] /10

(comments)

nfusion?[/b] - was this story easy to understand?

[u]Use of words[/u] /3

[u]Use of storyline[/u] /3

[u]Ability to continue flow of story without jumping too much[/u] /3

[u]Impression to the reader[/u] /1

[i][u]Overall[/u][/i] /10

(comments)

[b] /Grammar[/b] - You lose half a point for every spelling mistake you make.

Half a point per mistake

(mistakes found)

[i][u]Overall[/u][/i] /10

(comments)

[b][u]Overall /50[/u][/b]

[b]Comments:[/b]

Excellent descriptions and vocabulary. Continue to work on lengthening your sentences as some parts still come off as short and choppy. Keep writing and really develop these characters. Enjoy your senior year...

Okay, it's a good start. At the end you mention college is getting in the way but this isn't really the standard one would expect of a college student. Still, it has a good story line so pls keep going. Jsut a piece of advice, you may want to get yourself a beta, if you find a good one, they can be brilliant!

Great First Chapter! Have fun with the rest. I look foward to reading more!