You do a lot of stuff in your stories with different languages... I wonder if you actually speak all of these different languages?

I think at the very beginning, in the first and second sentences, it would be more clear if you italicized the first sentence and had the second say "This unbidden thought.." because for a minute I thought you had switched from third to... second? person.. .and was fricking confused haha.

"refrain from saying that if you hadn’t found Hamelin all right then you wouldn’t be here." This part is kind of corny. It's a small bit of awkward humor in a story that so far hasn't been humorous but has been instead, creepy. It is out of place and rather odd, haha.

When characters think to themselves in stories, I find it's easier to understand if they are in italics, not just plain text like everything else. It helps to understand what's going on. :)

"one so joyful that your foot seems to beg to tap along to" to what? haha... "it" belongs at the end of this sentence.

"I’ll be glad not to, you nearly snarl," this is another place where italics are needed.

“Help…us…” he rasps. “Save us…please…please…free…set us free…free…” ... this line from the old man, I found rather dramatic and corny... maybe it's the "Free... FRE" stuff at the end. If it were more straightforward it would seem less cheesy.

You do very well with taking fairy tales and changing them. I think this would have worked better if she had just gone for killing the children for all that they did to her, which is closer to the original story (where only the children died)... but I know your love of wanton violence so yeah. :P It's your style to kill everyone. But it would have just been better without.

-Jesse
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)

I'm a little iffy on the perspective, but it's otherwise incredibly well written. And major kudos for reviving a timeless story and giving it such a charming yet morbid air.

Haha. I loved this. I usually don't like 2nd person perspective, but you handled it really well -- nearly flawlessly. It really pulled me further into the story.

I was captivated from beginning to end; this was a spectacular short story and I enjoyed reading it. The atmosphere that you created with words seemed so real, yet scary. Nice work!

- Koki