I like the last stanza becaus the simplicity carried a lot of meaning.

I didn't like the simplicity of the first two stanzas, though, because it made it feel choppy an ddetracted from the impact of the last one.

Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)

konban wa

Aw, I liked it. Thank goodness it wasn't rhyming. When I see the words "my first poem," I think, "Oh no... a rhyming poem without a doubt." To tell you I was pleasantly surprised would be quite an understatement. ) Very nice poem; I hope you keep up the motivation and the writing. So different from the dark poems now loading fictionpress (of which I donate quite a few *wink*). I refreshing change to be sure.

Ha det

Shan

its a good poem for a first