I really liked Veronica's visions of what was to come - and her dread of it.

And I enjoy that you subtly, constantly remind us how beautiful she is - lovely!

Lovely start to the story!

I am intrigued by the beautiful girl and her role in all this. Great!

Pretty good. I think its an improvement.

I loved your description of the city. Being from the Pacific area myself, it was very nice, although I've never described one of the cities in my area that eloquently.

When you start talking about the girl, you switched tenses from past to present as she says "it's hot and it's discomforting."

Right after she said that "it wouldn't last," you switched paragraphs in the middle of a sentence.

What was she drinking from when she stopped in the shade? Was it still the bottle she bought from the vendor, it seems like she finished it.

You changed paragraphs mid-sentence again right after she met the three shadows.

I enjoyed your description of the decaying body, although when the girl was thinking, you changed into present tense again.

Again, another paragraph-change mid-sentence when David said that he had to find out what had happened to his parents.

"God, David prayed, life’s fricking unfair." Love this line.

When the girl was talking to David first, you switched paragraphs again during the same sentence.

I enjoyed your descriptions and writing style a lot, and although Veronica was difficult to get attached to, David was likeable.

Overall, a good story. The one thing I would suggest would be to check over your chapters before posting them. Things like the paragraph switches mid-sentence and the changes in tense give an impression that you didn't put much effort into the chapter, which I can tell from your writing that you probably did.

But I enjoyed this chapter, and I'll read the others soon if I have time.

Keep writing,

-Freaky

Really good chapter, seriously.

Wow, good story.

This was very interesting.. actually not too slow for my taste, but of course it is more fun to read when Veronica is battling demons and whatnot. I would have to agree that some of the dialogue needs a bit of work. The proper-ness of it suits Veronica's strangeness, but David, a college student, would probably talk a bit differnetly.
I'm interesting to find out more about this organization and Veronica's role. Is she going to be pursuing more "reapers" in the future, or was that just one of her many duties at the organization? (I also found it quite funny that a reaper had earned himself an 'employee of the month' award.)
The description fluctuates from being very vivid and well written (the gore, Veronica's appearance) but lacking in other spots. You seem to be avoiding making too much comment on what the beasts look like (in the beginning you describe them as being "around the size of massive beasts." What does that mean? How big is a massive beast?) Anyway, I have a hard time picturing them aside from being black and having red eyes.
The gore in this is excellently written, well done. The best gore is not too over the top, and suggests horrible things more than it describes them. At times you almost cross this line, so watch it in the future. Don't worry about what you have now, though, it almost crosses, but doesn't, and it's very scary and disgusting.
The biggest complaint I had about this was that it seemed like you hadn't done a very good proofreading job. You made lots of little grammar mistakes, which were pretty distracting to the story. I'd suggest either reading over to yourself a couple times more or having someone else edit and mark it up for you. (Just to avoid the little mistakes like "the girls soft voice sound clear across the alley" and such; unfortunately there are actually a lot of these mistakes.)
Oh yeah, when you were describing Veronica's weapon it seemed like you were searching around a bit for the right term... I think "machete" is a bit more suitable than "cleaver" or "sword." Maybe not... I've got a thing for machetes, I guess, they're just pretty damn scary if you ask me.
Anyway, If you've survived all of these nitpicks, then just let me say that this truly is a great start to a very intriguing story. Clean up the grammar a bit and it'll be perfect. I'm excited to see where this goes and so far I'm loving it.

well the story is fairly good so far and i see some of where the plot goes but one question bothers me is she part vampire or part demon?

Pretty cool. I'm not really a sci-fi fan, but i must say you've done a good job. The pace of the story is a bit slow in my opinion though...

I really liked this so far. The descriptions, especially. My one nitpick would be that some of the dialogue is a bit stiff, but aside from that, it's awesome.

Keep up the good work.

- Koki