First, super-special happy belated birthday! 8D I hope you had a good one, Melissa! –clears throat- Now, on to this long overdue review.

At the end of every quote that is followed by an action that pertains to speech there should be a comma (ex. ("’There’s no way to calculate any kind of time[,]’ [s]he repeated...") ("’When we first met, I told you that I didn’t know how long I’ve been here. That’s why. There’s no way of keeping track. It’s like time never passes here. Everything is constant[,]’ Bunmei stated.") ("’Why wouldn’t they want us to know what time it is? That makes no sense[,]’ Rosario stated.")). Also, there were a number of typos (ex. ("He knew that the[he] was young...") ("Bunmei was sipping on coffee and barely seemed awake and the bother[brother] and sister duo...") ("’It couldn’t hurt.’ Pazusus[Pazusu] agreed.") (“’We’re trying to find a way to get to the Castle in the Sky so we can get out[our] revenge.’”) (“But still, the fact that he survived such a think[thing] when he was put under that much torment was incredible.”)). I came across quite a few instances where wording seemed a bit jumbled (ex. ("where the truly reality of the situation was only explained to the reader.") ("... and said her good night to her allies.") ("Rosario smiled as she took a seat beside of the assassin...")) Also, be sure to remember the difference between “than” and “then” since “then” was often used instead of “than” (ex. (“… the loop-haired, ninjaesque woman seemed more offended then[than] her male companion.”)). There was one point where a colon was accidentally typed instead of a quotation mark (":So, is it just the two of you, or are there more people here?'") and one spoken line that was repetitious ("'I told a few individuals that asked me how I felt about her and I foolishly told them...'"). There was a missing quotation mark ("'You’re the Sin?['] Pazusu still could not believe what he had heard.") as well as a missing word ("... long hair that went to his mid-shoulder blade and had [a] slight curl to it."). I’m not sure but earlier in the chapter Castle in the Sky was capitalized while later on it was not ("'We all want to get to the castle in the sky.'").

You shouldn’t feel bad about this chapter at all. All of the events were well executed and the pacing just marvelous. Everything simply flowed really well and, as always, I found myself engaged the entire time. Bunmei is full of win and, truly, this chapter just made me love him even more. Similarly, I’ve been all the more endeared to Pazusu since he’s just so cute. I found Sin to be rather interesting and I really enjoyed Kumoigi’s personality. She seems like a wonderful sister to have. However, on the topic of Sin, I have to say that I’m a little confused. I mean, yeah, he seems a little anti-social, meaning that he’s not exactly in touch or interested in the activities of others. But I thought it came off more as a result of his being jaded or something. Instead, to those around him, it seemed to translate into his being mentally unstable which may very well but true but I don’t think that it would be so obvious, at least not as a result of what he’s done so far because many people naturally have a personality like that. In a way, Sin reminds me of Battle Royale’s Kiriyama which is a frightening parallel to make considering the nature of the latter but, that in mind, I could see how Sin would be considered a little “off” but not… insane? I don’t know. I’m just wondering if I missed a massive tip-off or something that everyone else got. XD; Anyway, the information on the truth behind the rebellion was just great as was the addressing of time and I love how you ended the chapter on such an ominous note. Really, as always, I can’t wait for the next. :3

You might not personally like this chapter, but I did. It progressed the plot and clues about the world and about Queen Ambaralla are revealed. I like Sin and Kumoigi Sol. Of course, there were some telling where I think it would be necessary to show instead, some grammatical/spelling errors (pointed below to help you), and a little repetition, but this is a good chapter.

I noticed that the most common error I spotted in your stories (the ones I'm reading that is) so far is then/than. Hopefully these examples of how to use them correctly will help:

Then - She went to the store and then headed back to her house.

Than - His cat is bigger than his hamster.

I hope you had a Happy Birthday! :D

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Corrections/Feedback:

{Maybe she wasn’t used to things still.} The wording of this sentence confused me. I think "still" should be after "she" instead.

{He knew that the was young, but he didn’t know how young.} "the was" should be "he was."

{When he thought about it, it was as if they were all living in a storybook of some kind, where the truly reality of the situation was only explained to the reader.} "truly reality" sounds awkward. Maybe "true reality"?

{It could possibly be one of the only opportunities that should would have to relax in a while and the girl wanted to cherish every moment of it.} I think "should" should be "she."

{The sorceress strolled over to the kotatsu table where Pazusu, Pippin and Bunmei were all seated.} A comma after "Pippin."

{She had always wondered about the good things that Ambaralla possessed and where better to get it, then in a village of people who undoubtedly love her.} than.

{This way, she could have more then one opinion about the mysterious queen.} than.

{He had suspicions the entire time they had been there and if nothing else, before they left the assassin wanted some closure to the mysteries that surrounded Majestica.} A comma after "left."

{A deep, mature woman’s voice cut through him as he turned to see that the loop-haired, ninjaesque woman seemed more offended then her male companion.} than.

{“I’ve never even seen her, and the orders always came from the roses but to be truthful, I don’t know what to think of her.} A comma after "roses."

{It would do more then explain why this man was so creepy looking and acting in general, but what about the woman who traveled with him?} than.

{Sin was a very beautiful man with many bishounen qualities and even someone like Pazusu couldn’t help but admire him for his good looks.} Honestly, this feels like telling. I think the details provided before this sentence show that he has bishounen qualities.

{If nothing else, he would rid that place of it’s grotesque field of hanging posts.} its.

{He was more concerned with Sin’s suffering then anything.} than.

{Whatever hell he went through was more then proof that Ambaralla was pure evil.} than.

{It was definitely something that the purple-haired swordsman would take into consideration, now more then ever.} than.

{“You are my soul reason to not say anything.} I think "soul" should be "sole."

{But still, the fact that he survived such a think when he was put under that much torment was incredible.} I think "think" should be "thing."

{“I’ve had it bad from what I remember but I wouldn’t know the extent of your suffering.”} A comma after "remember."

{:So, is it just the two of you, or are there more people here?”} The colon at the beginning should be a quotation mark.

{“a mage named Seishira and a girl with pink haired named Rosario.”} hair.

{He had many ongoing theories about the lands and testing each one for it’s falsehoods and truths was a side hobby of his.} its.

{It wasn’t every day she walked in to see a woman dressed in a short-skirted ninja outfit with a long cape and crazy loops in her hair and a man who looked like a dark prince standing in the doorway.} A comma after "her hair."

{“What better person to tell you an opinion then Sin himself.”} than.

{He thought just as much of her shock, and if it had effected someone like the white-haired woman that much, then he could only imagine the twisted faces on those in Majestica who had thought him dead this entire time.} I think "effected" should be "affected."

Man, I feel bad for Sin. He really had it rough didn't he? Seems like Kumoigi Sol has had her fair share of horrible things happen to her as well. I'm actually more interested in her then Sin, so I wonder when her past will come into play.

I like the imagery with the roses and the theories on the statue of Ambaralla as well as her supposed powers and rule over Versailles and Oscillo.

Sadly, I agree with Bunmei, especially from hearing the Sin story. I do wonder what exactly is the truth and false behind it though.

Dang. I feel even worse for Sin now. Holy crap he had it bad. I just want to go up and hug him.

Man, poor Sin and Kumoigi. I'd like to know more behind their story and I have a feeling I will in this arc. I hope they can be helped.

Oh, that's Sin! Holy crap! I wonder what will happen now that everyone's together with him. This should be good.

Sin seems very interesting. I have a potential pairing/crack pairing in mind- Rosario/Sin. I wonder how od that will be? Well, people are always pairing he with other people. Right now my pairing has just as much of a chance as anyone else's.

It will be interesting to know what everyone else brought in as far as information goes. It will also be a wonderful thing to see the information put together and see what Sin himself has to input on it.

Great job. I can't wait for another chapter.

Happy birthday, Melissa. Oh yeah, and I don't think this turned out crappy at all. Granted, you do have some spelling errors but nothing horrible or bad at all.

I liked Sin's insight on the happenings in Majestica. It seems that he can provide the cast with a whole new opinion. I also like Kumoigi Sol as well. She seems like my type of woman.

I like how you made Sin seem insane without having to really describe it at times. His movements, looks and way of speech defined his loss of reality and detachment from the world I would love to know more about him.

I think I'm beginning to jump on the SinBunmei boat here. I think Sin was kind of hitting on our Rose Assassin there a few times but i have a weird mind like that.

SINXBUNMEI LOVE!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Oh and it's not crappy, it's really good. I love it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY~

Oh and beautiful chapter. I wonder what Sin and Seishira's affiliations are. They seem to know each other. Well, please update soon! I love this story!

Kumoigi is really cool, and so is Sin. I'd like to see the two fight as well. I wonder if they'll join the cast.

So, that guy that entered the hotel WAS Sin, freaking awesome! Might I add that I think Sin is made of sexy? I do! He's probably my favorite character and you know what? I think I like SinXBunmei.

It's from all of the things that related the two. Nothing better then psycho boy's love XD