DAMN.

I wish I had your vocabulary.

Absolutely thrilling!

Going on my favorites.

I really love this.

It's going on my favorites list.

It's just so great, the imagry, and the story. It's so creepy, and the sudden change at the end was awesome. Good job!

Oo, intense. I didn't expect it to take that sudden turn at the end. Your description is generally good, as is your grammar. You seem to have a good idea of story structure and character development. Here are a couple of things I noticed:

1) You have a great vocabulary, but you don't always need to use "big" words just because they sound cool. I know it's hard, because you have so many words floating around in your head, and you want to make your description is good as possible - but eventually, you have to start relying on the special *nuances* of words, instead of the words themselves? You know what I mean? At the same time, you don't always have to use an adjective to conclude dialog. Sometimes saying simply "I said" or "he said" has much more impact on the reader.

2) Always remember to proof-read! I know it can be a pain in the butt, but even the *best* writers type up multiple drafts of their stories, and keep hacking away at them until they are satisfied with the finished product. I noticed some instances of redundancy in your story that could have been patched up with a good thorough revision. :)

I'm intrigued, though. What was the mysterious liquid? I don't suppose we'll ever find out. A sequel would be interesting. :D Keep writing!

Good start! I love your vocabulary. Please write more. and check out my story too!