Interesting concept you have in this piece. Nice job.

~Unknown Survivor~

This was a pretty interesting poem, mostly because it illustrates a conflict with the self. Defining the self is tricky to introduce, mostly because the two could confuse the reader as identical people, but you narrowly avoided that confusing mistake. The "hollow self" line is good imagery, though it would've been better if there was more of that imagery throughout.

Consider adding more of the great visions that the beginning of the poem shows. What IS the image of perfection? What does it look like?

This is a great poem, overall. Its conflict is captivating and worth reading into. Great job.

Wow, I love the idea of this poem and your thoughts are written out nicely. This is about vampires, correct? The "perfection, the kind that's shiny and hard" made it seem like that. One small thing, is 'obcessed' supposed to be 'obsessed?' fantastic job with this poem, though. I also like the line "wake up and see this beautiful mistake."

i think it's a good concept behind this, and i like some of the wording, like perfection being shiny and hard.

it seems to me like punctuation and perhaps stanzas would help clarify this, because as is it feels a little confused and disorganised. i would suggest at least using apastrophes for "ive", "id", and "doesnt".

at the end, do you really mean, "anything *less*", not "anything more"? i don't really understand the meaning the first way, but perhaps i'm just missing something.

-adrian