I think it came out ok also,

I was surprise to read your profile and see your age. I would assume you were older by reading this.

Critisim?
1. you are too good of a witer to use cheap tricks... redo that opening with proper sentences.

2. past? Present? dont mix ...

thanks for the read

Nice! Your writing is very eloquent. The flashbacks are well described and not boring. Plot is very interesting too! Keep writing!