"Or maybe a boy, as they seemed her too green to be even a guy."

- Confusing sentence structure. I assume you were trying to say, "As they thought her too green to be a man." I agree with the reviewer below, you do need to keep a consistent writing-style. 'Guy' seemed too casual and modern.

"It was freezing, and dank,"

- It was freezing and dank.

It's a shame that you had stopped it in chapter two as I'd be very interested to read more. I love gender-benders and this seemed to be turning out as a good one. As much as I'd like to read cute, cliche romance stories, I'd honestly rather be reading stories with a little more, how you say... oomph in them and not just lightweight fluff.

Generally, I've not seen much of the plot to comment on it. I liked the whole tone of the story and I can visualise the setting. The characters are developing well so far and I like that you differentiate characters with accents in their speech.

[8/10]

%RainbowUmbrellas%

Hi! Just wanted to say that I really liked the rest of this story and can't wait for more. Good Luck!

Okay, I really like this story and I like the way you kinda twisted the fourty theives. That was good.

However, what jarred my reading, was your inconsistent slang. Sometimes it was formal, other times, informal. That really annoyed me and made me rearead. It also took me out of your orignal time frame.

Other than that, a chapter well done and please do update!

Narq.

Oh What ARE they talking about? I believe this is a really intruging story indeed.

And grace grace grace. The name is misleading. I thought she was a helpless maiden. I see NOT. Very very good characterwise, though I would've liked a bit of show and not tell, especially on the part where she said she was quite good at mingling with the crowd. A simple, her form melted in with the general bustle or smoething like that would've done wonders.

great work!

Narq.

cool. I think you should have combined this with the first chapter, to be honest. maybe put in a line break or something like that. that might help. but yeah, if you make your first chapter more in depth, people will get into it easier, you know? REALLY short chapters just feel choppy. ESPECIALLY right near the start. try it later on in chapter 8 or something, and that's fine. especially if it's for effect.

anyway, good start so far. my suggestion is to try putting up one chapter every 5 days. that gives enough time for people to read and review, but not so much time that they forget what was going on last time they read :) good luck!

i love stories set in the middle east. what time period is it? what country?

anyway, interesting start. can't wait to see where you take it!