Hey, this was enjoyable! I have to admit that Mech stories are my first love in life and, aside from reading one of the official Gundam novels, I haven't read any in literary format. Initially, I wasn't certain how it would come out, but it came out a lot clearer than the manga does about the battles!

Kudos!

~Ellie

((Adding to Favorites))

I have to say that this was quite interesting. Never actually read a mecha story that had a fight scene that was described like this. I don't see how my story inspired you to create something like this since mine was no where close to your story. However, it was indeed an interesting read.

Here is something that may help you with your story. There are some things that readers may or may not need to know. The descriptions in the beginning was highly impressive, however, it won't always help to capture, someone new to the genre, attention. For example, most weapon's specs are usually saved at the end like an extra to avoid details that averts attention from plot.

And it really did seem like the action was just put there, maybe because we do not know a thing about Rock or Kray or the actual situation of the world. Basically put two strangers into a fight that we later figure out that they had a bit of a rivalry. All we know is that Rock has a really cool mecha with custom weaponry and that Kray is a rival that Rock bested all the time.

Whatever the case may be, this is pretty good read and it's different from all the other manga-base stories on this site. Mostly about demons or nekos or something lol, getting suck in another world finding out that you're royalty and must protect your kingdom... which is like majority of the stories here. I would continue reading this story and see where it leads, and thank you for the review...

Omanee is like a fusion of Gundam and Dragonball, and the past... it was mostly similar to dragonball's fighting sequences but right now, I'm bringing it all back to my roots. I started writing sci-fi when i was young and is now going back to it. Omanee currently is a brand new that has strayed from my two inspiration and is becoming it's own original story that is rare to find. Also, the mecha in Omanee also inspired me to create a whole new series that is complete mecha. So keep a look out for the new original series called Core.

Wish you good luck.

Well, this is a rather cool story - I was searching for mecha-style stories on fictionpress, but couldn't find many. And then I saw this on the Review Game. But I missed the chance to review it as part of the game, and so I am reviewing it OUTSIDE of the game!

Complicated, no?

Anyway, I really like this - this is a good story. I think that perhaps the major factor which makes this appealing is the fact it's about mechs!

The writing style is very good, very clear and definite. It is always clear what is going on and what is happening, and the description is very good. I do love the characterization of Kray and Rock (although they are pretty-much cookie-cutter characters, I think that works for mecha stories!)

Criticisms I might have stem, I think, from your desire to make details clear and unambiguous. The dialog between the two characters can sometimes become whole paragraphs of pure exposition - that doesn't seem realistic in the middle of combat. You've got some great little one liners, but periodically there is just a slab of exposition. It might be a better idea to pull back from the exposition in the dialog, and just rely on the audience's ability to remember what happened, or - alternately - just have the fight be a little more vague.

Similarly, I think that the opening passage with the huge glob of description about Rock's mech, is a little much. You've basically got a story which starts in media res, goes straight into the combat without introducing the reasons for the fight between Kray and Rock, but which is prefigured by a load of technical description.

I think that you could lose these descriptions, instead choosing to introduce the weapons as they are used - or perhaps don't describe them at all.

Anyway, this is a great story, and I do look forward to more!

If you like mech stories, you might like to check out my MechKnight story; it's in my profile. Also, check out my favorites - my chum The Wordsmith has written a story set in the same world as that one.

This was actually better than I expected. With most of the mecha stories I read, the author doesn't go as far as you did with description. Hell, I LOVED the fact that you described Rock's walker in such detail in the beginning. I must admit, they way you began this story confused me slightly, seeing as how I had no idea who Rock or Kray was or what their history together was- but what the heck! This was still an enjoyable read and I can't wait for more. Keep up the good work!

RG - Rule 10

I really enjoyed it. I am not a big manga fan, but I found the scenes engaging and I found myself able to read on (which I sometimes do not do). The names sound like manga, but the descriptions of the mechs were kind of...lacking. Not in the sense that you did not describe them enough, just in the way that they were kind of boring; and if I may, cheesy sounding.

The manga section needs more mecha. I'm glad that you wrote this story. I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. The fighting scenes were awesome. I could imagine what was going on in my head. Good work!

Wooh, I haven't read one of your stories since Chinwan but it's great to see you back at work with a new mecha story. Not just any mecha story though but one full of some great action!

The humor was great, the action was great, the characters were great (although when you talk about Rock all I can picture is Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson), and it seems like this story is just going to be great! I can't wait for the story to continue on because I really want to see this plot unfold.

Keep writing, pal! I'll be waiting!