wow, beautiful metaphor! and great job carrying it all the way through. it worked really really well.

all in all a wonderful write.

Wow. This is really...good!

Very interesting piece. You managed to say a lot in so few words. The last lines in particular were very interesting. The personification (for lack of a better word) was used nicely, and the meaning is so true.

[sliding suddenly around a sharp/corner. hold on tightly.] I didn't particularly like this linebreak. I think you were going for the feeling of the "sharp corner," but it felt too jarring compared to the rest.

~Sparkles from the Review Marathon (link in profile)