The only chapter you need to rewrite is chapter one. Besides that, I WANT YOU TO UPDATE WITH A NEW CHAPTER ASAP!!

~Mo~

I'm sorry, but I have to say this...




AWESOME!

~Mo~

You can send your chapters to a beta. He/she can check it out for you and give you tips on how to improve it.

Have fun rewriting!

PB

When Daron realized who Raine was...priceless.

I liked the chapter, very fluent

Hey, hope the writing is going well!!

From what I've read so far, it sounds like your story has a lot of potential ~ there are some parts that really shine, like some of the interactions between L and D...but, I'd advise you to get a beta reader just to iron out some of the grammar errors, and also to add more description to your writing, just so we as readers can see what you are seeing when you write this story.

One final piece of advice: proof read, and read it out loud! Especially the dialogue ~ if you read the dialogue out loud, then you can immediately see which parts sound natural and realistic and which parts don't.

Peace out, and hope to see more from you!

~ Sakina x

Oh gods, what a place to leave the story at!!

My only issue is that surely the guys would've known Lorraine's last last as Clyne, from classes?

~ Sakina x

Aw, the scene with Daron in his room is so cute! I can't wait to see how the rewritten version will be like ~ this chapter definitely has potential to be stunning.

~ Sakina x

This just gets more and more intense... And the tension between Daron and Raine was amazing...

I'll read some more of this a bit later when I have more time!

~ Sakina x

Oh, this was so exciting!! And I can totally see the romance developing between Raine and Daron...hehe.

~ Sakina x

Wow, you really took off on this chapter. I have to say that it was much better written than the first one, seemed to flow better and completely sucked me in! :)

~ Sakina x

Haha this was both funny and cute! I do feel sorry for your main character and her friend, seems like they have ended up at such a harsh school.

:(

The only thing I have to say would be that there were a lot of grammatical errors in here that could easily be rectified if you went through this again, or found a beta reader ~ just letting you know.

~ Sakina x

(Am reviewing everyone that ever reviewed my Cinderella story, so here it goes)

I absolutely love the beginning. I like the Rain character and the Daron character also seems interesting, am definitely gonna continue reading when I have more time.

Great job

PB

I don't know. This chapter just kind of jumped around too much for me, but overall it was really good.

I think the mall scene was my favorite.

However, make sure you stay away from stereotypical characters, it makes them seem less realistic.

Anyways, good job. :]

--Jessie my l o v e
p.s. pay it forward

I was actually pretty surprised you didn't have that many reviews... I mean your summary really made me want to read your story despite your review count (:
and your story is amazing!
I really hope you update soon

hm!! clears her throt ... WHAT IS WRONG WOTH YOU HOW LONG DOES IT ^TALE TO UPLOAD!