I have read your first two chapters so far, and I like how each character seems to be so far from one another, i wonder how they all get to meet (if they ever do)... I find the lady and the little boy intro to be creepy but in a good way, I wonder what it is that is chasing them...

The half demon intro is great, I almost thought i was reading a porno at one point LOL...

I will be sure to continue reading this story, and reviewing the chapters. You do write well :-)

A well written story that is both tender and emotionally chilly, this is an author of some potential.

When characters are thinking, you might want to put the thoughts in italics instead of single quotes. Single quotes look too much like the double quotes that in case actual (spoken out loud) dialogue. They are likely to be missed and can confuse the reader. Make it more obvious that the character is thinking to his or herself.

The biggest critique here is the intoduction of the boy, Andy. He more or less magically shows up out of nowhere. Maiaya enters through a steel door and suddenly "But what's that little boy doing here?". What was the boy doing before that? Was he standing looking away from Maiaya? What did he look like? Also, Maiaya's introduction was weak. It's hard for a reader to get along with a character they know nothing about.

Watch your verb tenses. It's being told in past tense, so be careful not to mix in present tense.

Add some descriptions to give your characters more life. It'll also help with the character development.

The paragraphs are weird looking. I'm going to assume you typed on MS notepad then when it was uploaded to Fictionpress, it got a bit screwy. Maybe if you have MS Word, you can reupload it so the paragraphs aren't as choppy.

Interesting beginning. I'm curious to see what Jeremy is really. Just a little criticism: maybe you should describe more. Plus, where the dialouge is, it's missing commas. Besides that, it's pretty good.
~Grey