I am not feeling very...verbal? *shakes head* It's a little more difficult for me to pick this chapter apart. It has so much to do with Catholic ceremony/traditions that I feel a little out of my league. And I don't mean that in an insulting way, of course.

What I can talk about here is the interaction between Vlad, Monica, and even Nicollo. By the way, I don't like Nicollo. I'm sure you're fine with that. I liked the way you drew comparisons between his appearance and Monica's when Vlad sat with them. He is all about the power and pomp...but Monica isn't. Which is, of course, a glimpse into both of them.

The final (inevitable) confrontation between Vlad and Monica was so sad, I thought. Both of them were angry and justifiably so. The realization that Monica was, for all intents and purposes, leaving both her home AND her faith really drove the point home with me. I feel even worse for her now.

Poor Vlad. If he were real, I would give him a hug. Although I'm pretty sure he's not a huggy type of guy...

Monica is not being nice. She is flirting. Bad Monica. You know I love you, but...bad form.

I'm guessing she knows that, though.

I'm loving that the cry to call Muslims to prayer is at such a perfect time to wake Vlad for Mass. That's just awesome.

Sticky pastry...*whimpers* Now I'm hungry. And it's only eleven. Pooh. Pastry sounds really good, too.

So Vlad piloting a machina is, in a way, kind of like Obi-Wan in the middle of a battle? Except for the whole Force thing. Am I way off base? I probably am.

Yay! Cleo! I like Cleo, by the way. 'Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade' reference FTW! And of course Carlo. My very special review guest, Carlo. I like the way you describe him here. And I LOVE Vlad's little speech. That was great.

Poor Vlad. He just THINKS he omitted how he felt when he recounted his tale. People who know him as well as Dominik and Cleo could certainly see right through him. *grins*

Oh, Vlad. You'll be so disappointed. I feel horrible for him. He's so happy and now he's going to find out that she's already intended for someone else. I'm sad now. Even knowing how this ends up, I'm sad.

Let me start this chapter's review by saying, "shit, you have a lot of reviews." and let me apologize in case i rehash something that's been said to death, because if you're like i am with my stories, you've already taken this to revision mode. anyway... on with the review...

At times i think you're a little TOO informal with Vlad's tone. it's almost as if you break the wall from time to time. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, it's just something i'm not used to in first person. I'll use that to segue into my next point: the fact that you're referencing real places and getting in depth with religion, i think that's awesome... but...

the points you make about the cardinals seem a little heavy handed. again, since you're packing a lot of story into this, sometimes you need to cut corners and i understand that, but i think you could better serve the readers by crafting a little subtlety into it. If things weren't already looking like a set up, you've made it a little obvious and that can take away any dramatic tension, unless of course i'm wrong and you're doing a major misdirection...

Wait a second? is this way, way far in the future to the point where society has had to sort of rebuild itself? (just a random thought, don't mind me, i'm typing stuff in as i go along)

The introduction of Pallavicini... did you really mean to say Giovanni Cardinal Pallavicini? or is that a typo? and what's the Pallavicini thermocouple do?

I really liked the exchange with Vlad and Cardinal Gio. The dialogue fit both of them really well. And i really like Vlad as a protagonist, and i can't wait to see him put through his paces as the story goes on.

This is really great! On to 3.

M.C.

Ok, wow. I have to say this is a rare treat nowadays on Fiction Press. A well-written story about mechs? You don't find too many of these on FP. I'm hooked after the first chapter.

You've got an interesting universe already built. I mean, it's a medieval-steampunk version of Battletech... and if it's half as epic as Battletech i'm in for a big, big treat. I can already see Vlad squaring off against a hit-squad of Harlequins down the road.

You use 1st person, a move i typically try to stay away from, but you handle it well and not once do you deviate. Your grammar is spotless from what I can tell, but that's not saying much as i'm reading with an eye over my shoulder in case my boss walks in.

I think you go in to info-dump territory a little too fast, telling us about the Vlad's history and his mech with more detail than the reader can reasonably be equipped with this early in the game. This is really minor, though and isn't too jarring because you need to establish the rules in this world you've created... and because i expect when things start picking up, bits of exposition will ruin pacing.

I'll be getting through this slowly, but surely, so keep an eye out for more reviews.

M.C.

And now we come to Monica! Hooray! I don't think it's ludicrous at all that a 'rough, tough machina pilot' would be so affected by Monica's beauty. To my way of thinking (and since I'm not a man, I'm probably completely off base here), I would be under the impression that a man so familiarized with the ugly sights and sounds of battle would be twice as sensitive to true beauty as your average, ordinary Joe. Again, I might be way off base. But that's the way I see it.

"She looked...as if God had put the Blessed Mother, the Venus de Milo and a succubus in a blender and set it on damn"

This is now my favorite description of anyone. EVER.

I found a typo...I think. Just wanted to let you know. I'm sorry. I tried not to. But I can't let go of this stuff. By the way, please let me know if you find such a thing in my story. I will go nuts if it's just hanging out there.

Vlad being embarrassed amuses me. Sorry, Vlad. It would never amuse me if you were embarrassed or humiliated BY someone. But feeling all fumbly around Monica is very sweet and amusing.

Stupid review box. I hate when it does this.

The vodka scene was wonderful. I can just imagine Monica's face after that drink. And Cardinal Griffin...you sneaky man. You're not playing fair. But then, all is fair in love and war. And this story is both.

I enjoy the ways you've explored how different Monica's and Vlad's worlds are. The way they eat, the way they interact with others, their outlook on the way things work.

And I don't think that knowing the end of the story ruins this one at all. It's kind of like the movie 'Apollo 13'. You know the end. You know they're going to get back safe and sound. But the entire time you keep thinking 'Will they make it? Oh, I hope they make it!' Tight storytelling is the key and you have that gift in spades. So it's all good.

Review! Review!

I really like the way you described the Eucharistic procession. And Lady Jane! Do I need to finish this story before I read Merc's? Just wondering...

Yeah, this is way off-base, but I'm hungry. Have you ever had falafel? Is it good? Sorry, I'm just curious.

Hey, when Wardenclyffe is speaking with the vox-caster, does he sound like Batman?

Haldir: You are not taking this story seriously enough.

*looks ashamed* I'm sorry. I'm in a very strange mood.

'Yousa' makes me laugh. Roe and Wade ultimately led to the dissolution of the United States, hm? Somehow, this does not surprise me. It makes me wonder, though, what Vlad's thoughts would be if he ever found out who Roe and Wade are. I mean, not which side he would fall on. That's obvious. But just his thoughts...

I enjoyed the conversation between Cardinal Griffin and Vlad very much. I think I like Cardinal Griffin. And of course we have the ending where Monica makes her entrance. Summed up so neatly in one sentence.

"And then Lady Monica Pallavicini herself walked through the door, and suddenly the evening got immeasurably better."

For some reason, I hear your voice saying this. And it makes me smile. :-D

Behold, I have returned. Fake name and all.

Why do I keep picturing a slightly younger Peter O'Toole as the Cardinal? Is this some hangup I have with my viewings of 'The Tudors'? I know it's actually Sam O'Neill. I wonder...

*giggles at use of 'Darknight' as a call name*

And here is why Vlad is such an intriguing character. In a nutshell.

"I try to be a good man – I don't know if I succeed."

Well done.

*sigh* It's incredibly difficult to do a read-as-I-review on this story. It requires all of my attention and it's more difficult for me to pop in with little comments throughout the narrative.

I still feel a little ignorant when it comes to MechKnight. It's difficult for me to wrap my mind around all the techno-engineering type stuff. And sometimes the intricate politics that are brushed into along the way. This isn't your fault, it just isn't the way my mind works.

But characters I can do. Characters I can understand. And, luckily for me, this story is chock full of interesting characters. Incidentally, did you pick an actor for Cardinal Pallavicini? I'm not finding one on the website.

I liked Vlad's response when he felt that Cardinal Pallavicini was abusing his influence to advance his family. I just...like Vlad in general. And I don't know why, but this window is going crazy on me now. Pardon any misspellings, as the window keeps flashing on me.

So I guess I'll skip any further specific comment and just say this. Wonderful chapter, I love the descriptions of the surroundings, the way you can really feel Vlad's awe at everything. And I am reading the third chapter either today or tomorrow. And reviewing. Reviewing is the important thing.

Fare thee well!

Here I am!

McKay: You're late. You're REALLY late.

You're REALLY annoying. What's your point? Now shut up and let me review.

Have I ever mentioned to you just exactly how cool I think it is that Vlad's machina is named 'Maugrim'? I don't remember if I did, so I'm doing it now. If I've already done it...well...it bears repeating.

"this dreadful she-wolf with the heart of a star, senses that stretch to the horizon and beyond, and wrath that burns like the sun and can make widows at a range of kilometers"

I love this line. It's just beautifully written and gives you a peek into just how much Vlad is awed by his machina.

'her name is used in an ancient tome for a male'

*snickers*

Okay, the 'harlequins'? I'm terrified just reading about them. But...yay Neil! 'entree or dessert?'-I'm totally picturing Christian Bale just staring at Vlad like...well, like he stared at people for part of 'Equilibrium'.

This invitation is definitely double-edged. And now onwards to the dinner!

I agree with your 'pay it forward' concept, and have never seen it before. I hope it is successful. Here is my review, and thank you for yours.

The story is solid, I don't believe your writing could be corrected. You know what you're doing. It's rare to come across a story line with 'mecha's, or any sort of machine fighting force that is both outside the plot line of Gundam Wing (to which I pay no attention) and is not settled in Japan.

Bravo. I like change.

It was interesting when you mentioned how no one held sentiment towards their mecha, and then turn around and have Vlad do just that. I like the reason he held for reffering to it as 'she'. It is a very well-put together story, the description of the maniquins delightfully disturbing. Which is a good thing from my standpoint. I wonder if we'll see some fighting between Vlad and them.

See you around~

Well this is definitely a very unique and creative plot. It's like the future meets the past in this story. It will be interesting to see how you continue this story. i will stay tuned.

What an elaborate and well thought out world you have here!

You manage to do what most of us can't: tell us what we need to know without telling too much. I think it's vital for a good writer to be able to create a sense of reassurance in the readers (proving to them that YOU, the author, actually know what the world is like from every angle)without over-describing every aspect of the society/world/universe as it unfolds. I haven't mastered this yet, but, in your first chapter alone, I can tell that you have! Nicely done!

One of my favorite moment in this chapter was the narrator's note concerning Maugrin's gender. Amusing and insightful:)

I told you I'd be back eventually. :P Anyway, this chapter is nothing short if incredible. Battles are not normally the sort of scenes that I can really get into in literature, but you made it exciting, tense, and also very accessible to someone who is maybe not as familiar with the territory. Fabulous job!

There's an astounding contrast between the mechanical and the human, between the emotions seen in Monica, the horror seen in Calipari and the Mechs and what they're designed to do. Again, so well done.

And now I have to quote some things:

'“North?” She sounded confused. “There's a battle here, Vladimir!” she exclaimed.

“I was aware of that,” I said sarcastically'

As they say, I lol'ed in real life. Hahaha! He's such a sarcastic SOB, I love it!

"And all I could do, like Monica now, was marvel at the gleaming beauty of a tool never designed to be that."

That was just good writing. Very good.

I missed this story so much, and I know I owe you a few more reviews as well! I'm gonna try to make a small dent in catching up at the Roadhouse this weekend (What?! I have *free time*? What is this term you speak of?). So hopefully I'll be able to read another chapter tomorrow and eventually start your new story as well! ^_^

I don't really read sci-fi but i quite enjoyed this beginning. The Machinae remind of something out of Full metal panic...don't know if you've heard of it?
I liked Maugrim...and even though she isn't living i felt like she was watching the whole time. The narrator/main character was pretty cool...if you're a girl you write a male's pov really really well. I also really loved the name...'The lady's Guardian'. Great writing style too.

Such an excellent piece of literature. I have always enjoyed this story for its, wit, details, descriptions, history, power of vernacular, and the tone that resounds - hope.

I cried for a moment at the proposal and cried when they were saved. I cried at the end, since I know what you mean in the last three paragraphs and life for them at this point in certainly going to be an adventure.

This is such a masterful piece and you are very intelligent in the way that you bring forth your tale to your audience. I know I was confused with the reintroduction of certain characters, but there again, re-reading this to find out who they are will not be a problem. I know some parts of the battle I got lost, but this is the first mech story I have read so I just have to give myself time there and learn more about the machinery.

I can't tell you enough how excited I am for you that this is such a good story, I truly pray that you consider getting it published. Something this tangible should not be left her just for us, but at least if you are not into the world of publishing from the great publishing companies, at least get this published yourself through amazon. You are sure to get even more wealth from this exquisite tale.

Your deliverance of your plot and the depth of all your characters is something I only wish I will learn as I continue in my own writing, trying to find a voice of my own, and I will make sure I read the other portions of the story that pertains to this. I know there is something written as a spin off from here that takes place at the end, but I would rather read something in its order.

I stand and at my computer and applaud you, seriously, for your diligence in making and creating a story for young and old, and all ages. Don't leave us wanting more for too long!!

Masterfully Executed as always!!

Momo

There was so much going on I did read this over quite a few times, but breath taking as always. I was so moved by Monica finally confessing her love to Vladimir and I was shouting the whole time for Hunyadi to kick but, but there again you have layered this story with so many twists and turns it is not easy for me to keep quiet while reading.

I know this is long overdue, but I have certainly loved this story and I have gone to the other sites to see what else you have in store for us.

The climax to the finale is so powerfully written one can't help but keep reading to find out what will happen.

Momo