   seafaringwriter1657 2009-11-22 . chapter 51. when addressing a character, comma's around their name. "so if you wouldn't mind doing that for me, Skyrah, that would..."..."Yes, sir."...even when name calling: "you're going to die for that, you brat!"
2. if chase is hunting down any evil creatures, he wouldn't be randomly strolling down the sidewalk. perhaps he's walking determinedly, but keeps having to remind himself to look normal as if he's just taking a midmorning stroll.
3. her tanktop is striped, not stripped. stripped is most definitely NOT the word you want.
4. when chase rescues the little boy: "tot", not tod (short for toddler)
5. paragraph starting "heh, you can talk all you want girly" (+1/2 in)there's a typo. sposed 2 b "but when IT comes..." (well not caps, but i think u get it)
6. after chase starts tracking skyrah down, after the jump, you have her think "where's the stupid exist" instead of exit.
7. same section para starting "the curly brunette"...He scowled as he inched towards," after towards you need a word to describe who or what he is inching towards.
8. not sure, but i think you have her crystal start to glow in 2 diff parts.
Yay! excellent chapter, as usual. You always keep me on my toes whenever you write. the majority of the things you write surprise me (which is a good thing to do)
~Erika. |
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