I'd on an average give the story a 7.2/10 rating. It wasn't detailed enough, specially your characters, they could have used a lot more volume. I could understand the main girl's personality but not a lot about the boys. The story could have been a bit more detailed, not to say that I didn't like the mysteries. But more so, you should have added more details here and there.

No offense or nothing, but this story is rubbish. Its such a stupid plotline, the writing is dull and not interesting at all. And god, how many chapters are there? 34? You could have fitted them all in one chapter. There is no way I am reading any more of this crap.

Wow. This is a really good story. It's filled with all the right things. Mystery, love, and some other stuff that I can think of at the moment - but I know that they're in there. And I love how swift the chapters are, even though I usually enjoy like 20+ chapters. It keeps me entertained and focus - and I have a very short attention span.

I wanna know what James looks like. He sounds hot. lol

I so knew it was magic too! I love how it constantly keeps you guessing. Great story. I'll probably finish the rest tomorrow and submit yet another review. :]


--Could you read&r mine? It's knew. - I'm not new, I just finally got around to writing a fiction story that I felt was acceptable to post.

ITS THE NINCOMPOOP AGAIN! YNA *haha, long time since wve used that word, remember wen it made me laff the first time u sed it?*
LOVE IT ANYHOO
CYA XOXOX

Lol this chapter made me laugh xD
i love the: NO ANNABELLE WE ARE NOT THERE
Megan! stop being so rude!
(the rest is made up by rosie)
RUDE? I'LL SHOW YA RUDE! *takes a salmon and slaps annabelle with it* TAKE A GOOD SNIFF OF THAT **!
:D there, see? much better. ^^
LOve rosie

I LOVE THIS CHAPTER!
and she's so much like you, quiet, but crazy, wacky and silly when u get to u
anyhoo i might have to go soon, but i really loved this, i mean it!!
why does violet hate her though? i cant undertand...

LOVE ROSE X

Wow thats so creepy...ive felt that way before :s
and i love the gossiping bit, it shows how shallow people are (except megan meehh) but then i feel kind of bad cause im a bit like those girls, always listening to gossip, blablaba, getting annoyed wen my piece of gossip is stolen, blablabla.
GOOD PIECE OF WRITING BABE!
*is proud of u*
Love,
rosie

This bit is so sad =[
i wana hug megan...annabelle is so perceptive, i like her!! and its so sad this bit:
by hurting muyself, am hurting her, my pain becomes hers. oh gosh *becomes emotional*
such good characters uve got there...so hard to make them so real but u achieved that!! *thumbs up* few people know how to use their well developped characters well, so use them well, show me how its like to be their headd *rubs head, yes im getting a bit cooky*

LOVE THIS BIT YA *clicks on thenext button*

WAT A JERKY MAN!
Now, lily is a cutie

HEY! im babysitting
...HAHA
the kids are sleeping so all i have to do is have fun and get paid! easy job eh? :P
anyhoo, am gonna spend my babysitting hours reading ur story, so yay for u! :D
love the prologue, mwah xx
Rosie x (such a nice and considerate girl *waves idea away shyly* haha u make me blush)

Oh wow. I really love this!

James, FTW!

I can't wait until I get home so I can finish reading it.

xo
Helen

Heyy, Kayleigh, its Helen from TWIMDB. I really like this. Its good - well written adn very interesting. I can't wait to read more!

*runs off to read chapter two*

xo
Helen

I wish you would draw out the sceens a little more. Build up the exposition. It's supposed to be long and boring compared to the rest of the story. These seem more like snipets than...acual story parts. Maybe just combine them and fill in some description in between. I mean, I really don't even know what the school looks like.
I just, whats the word? Can't seem to get attached to the character in these little flashes. I suggest you fill in some more...stuff. Emotions, likes dislikes, things like that. I want to know who this cool character is, not be told stuff, you know?

You have an amazing writing style but the chapters just seem brushed over and really really short.

Then again, I think you mentioned that you revised it recently so...I'm sure you already fixed this problem already. ;)
~nicola

Oh ma so excited about the next chapter. I can't wait. You are doing a wonderful job. Keep up the good work. I think Connor going to be Nick or a bad guy. Mabey Someone she loves but does nto rember. Am i right?

This reminds me of that whiny chapter (not that this is whiny) in Eclipse...or new moon...or whatever book that was. I lost count after book 3.

Anywho. I can't sympathize with Meg at all. Why?

Its not because shes annoying(shes not), not because the writing isn't good(it's great), its because...I don't have anything to sympathize with. All we've seen of the dude she broke up with..is him being a jerk. All I'm thinking is: 'Come on girl, he was a jerk. Get over it.' I suggest you add a cute romantic date scene or something like a flashback so that we can see what this girl lost and feel sad with her.

I like the repeat. It feels like we are in her head and I love how you do that.

onward to chapter...whatever is next! :D

Happy writing,

~nicola~