I really feel for her. I know many people might say that, it's just normal high school crushes, etc.
However, knowing the general feeling and actually getting into a person's mind who feels that way are two very different worlds. Most stories written in third person don't delve into the thoughts of that person and it sometimes doesn't work out well the way those who really take down how a person feels while he/she is doing what he/she does. It makes you understand that person, and helps you empathize.
Congratulations on such a touching piece of work.

That was pretty depressing.

Okay wow...This is pretty much EXACTLY me in 7th grade. Okay fine, and still a little now.

Even though this was short, it was incredibley powerful and to the point and you expressed the emotions of the character very well too.

Wow.
This was fantastic.
It was tinged with melancholy which was such a contrast to her optimism that maybe he might actually speak to her. Every single thing she did, trying not look as he passed, holding her breath, etc. is something that everyone does whenever they're trying to be subtle around the person who they like. In my optimistic heart, I wish he did stop to speak to her.
Great job.

I can really identify with the girl, for she is just another anonymous face in her school. I feel quite sad that the boy will never understand her affection for him.
((Recently, I kept staring at a schoolmate until I finally got a smile. Argh, I felt pathetic.))

Wow! I could really relate this to the song!
The character is incredibly easy to emphasise with despite the fact that you wrote in third person. Usually I have trouble really connecting with a character if the text isn't in first person, but as I believe someone already pointed out, we've all been in this situation at least once in our pathetically romantic teen lives.
Left me with a sense of sympathy and pensive thought. Thanks!
*subscribes to author*
*adds author to favourites*

Oh wow. Powerful like I just got punched in the stomach.

lovely piece! I enjoyed the way you show us her crush for him. The part where he actually walks past her is quite well done; we feel this moment with her, because we're all quite familiar with it.

[Her usual routine; her usual dance.]

loved this line! it creates the visual. and of course, the last line is killer. we've all been there before.

The only thing I would say is that the quote doesn't add much to the piece and that the piece itself didn't leave me with lasting emotions... in other words, I might not remember it in a few weeks.

it was still a good piece, however. something of a study.

Great job on the review marathon and for examinating (haha)!

This sentence is odd: "Her cheeks warmed uncomfortably; her heart pounded furiously in her throat; her stomach danced not unpleasantly." I think want threw me off was the fact that the words "uncomfortably" and "not unpleasantly" present contrasting images - the first is that she doesn't like what he does to her, the last that she enjoys it. It would have been better if the whole sentence contained the same attitude to the feelings. :P

This entire scene, however, is cliche beginning with the line "She was waiting for HIM to walk by". Eh. The idea of the shy girl who is madly in love with some guy but he doesn't acknowledge her existence has been overdone a million times. The fact that it happens in high school seems to make it worse. With the opening quote, I expected this to go a completely different direction. :( I guess I didn't see her pretending at all. She didn't walk away with any delusions at all. It's too short to have any real impact, I think. :(

"just another body taking up space" I did like this, however. And this line - "He was the only one she saw, and he didn’t even know she existed." It was a lovely contrast between the two of them. :D

The last line didn't impact as much as it could because there didn't seem to be a lot heading in that direction. I don't know the girl well enough to really feel for her.

:( I feel bad I always leave you bad reviews :( :( :(

-Jesse

Reading this was like getting punched in the face; it doesn't last long, but it certainly leaves an impression. I'm amazed by how much emotion you managed to fit into such a short piece; you're so much trying to tell a story as convey an emotion, a moment in time, and that (in my humble opinion) takes skill. I loved your writing style, and the techniques language you used; "Her usual routine; her usual dance" in particular leapt out to me.

I can find nothing to criticise in this piece; I'd suggest you make it longer, but somehow that would be spoiling it... Other writers on this site have begun their stories with a song quote, and it usually comes off as being slightly pretentious, but I can't even criticise you for that; it fits with the story, and the lyrics somehow gives it more meaning.

In short, beautiful.

Well, first, I really don't have any criticism about this, except that it was too short. :P. If that is a criticism.

I enjoyed your descriptions, and I think leaving the characters' appearances out of it was a good choice.

Maybe you could vary the sentence lengths a little? They were all pretty sizable. You don't have to, just a thought.

I also enjoyed how you made it so universally relatable (which ties into my don't-describe-the-characters thing. xD.).

Good little story!

- Octavia, for the RG.

This story is a lot like the classic hopeless lover teenager. The detail that you put into it was spot on with exactly what a teenage girl would do (I'm even like that at times). The character that you are portraying in this story is definitely one that sounds very realistic. I don't really see a major plot yet, but I have no idea if this is just the beginning of a really good story. Keep on writing! I would love to read more soon!

Beautifully done. Great length. I can completely relate to this, because I had something similar going on once, which I really don't care to admit to. . .

Anyway. The emotions were spot-on and overall, it was a really well done piece. It struck a chord with me, which is always good, and I appreciate the fact that you're sharing this with us!

- Koki

aw this is super sad. and i really like it. i loved the last line and the line "her usual routine; her usual dance." nice work.

That was really well written. And I guess I enjoyed it because that happens to almost everybody, me included.