Wow . . .
That was intense :D
I really like your use of metaphors. They created a really great image for me.
I also really liked your style of writing, I really liked how it was past tense at the beginning and switched to present tense at the end of the chapter. It sets up nicely for the opening to the next chapter.

I'm excited to see what else this story has to bring. You created a real nice hype I hope you can deliver ;D

Great job,
Yours Truly,
~HollyHorrible

Your scenes kept me on the edge of my seat. You weaved good scenes with imagery. This is a good example of showing and not telling. Good job! Perhaps, you could develop your characters more. What are their motives? Give also a brief background of the characters in some narratives. All in all, this is a good read. I like it!

whoops- that should have been 50,0 words...*refers to last paragraph in last review*

great job on the second chapter!
but this one part had me a little confused:
"I met Governor Porter--" {[[... please, take care of your sister. WE shall return soon... Angels are looking out for you, be careful.

Sails were standing behind a man with no face, beside the faceless man a small boy, a teen almost, was latched to his arm, also unknown. All that vivid was the enormous sails and large wooden ships rested on the light blue and pink horizon. Slowly the man and child walked away, a sea of darkness surrounding a small girl; her sobs not being heard.

Rolling his eyes, Oliver laughed, "Self-conceited pig."

I think maybe you should explain that part a bit more; i wasn't sure if it was a sudden flashback or something. i would suggest having the main character react to it (i viewed it as the voices suddenly interrupting the conversation so the main character must have a reaction, probably surprise)
hope you got that...tried to explain it as best as i could. keep up the good work!
rmzucker
p.s.(to social recast and everyone else who reads this) i dunno if you know about it, but there's this thing called NaNoWrimo, short for National Novel Writing Month. It starts in November and goes until November 30. It's a novel writing contest. You have to try to write 50,0 words by the end of the month. It sounds insane, but, well, I'm gonna try it. Visit the website for more info. :)

This is different, especially since the main character is homeless. She isn't the most interesting character yet, but I can't really complain because the chapter was so short. But one thing I would add more is character development, like why is she homeless? what's her name? stuff like that.

Another thing I noticed was there was quite a few spelling errors. Like this:

“You’re a fowl man, Governor,”

It should be 'foul' because 'fowl' is a bird. And just little things that can be cleaned up to help with the flow of the story. I do like that you are writing short little passages though, its easy to read.

Hm... It is an interesting story. The way in which you have written it is something like a 'stream of consciousness' style. I have to admit that at times it wasn't really clear who and what the woman in the story was referring to. Sometimes, it wasn't really clear even when she was referring to herself. The fact that I needed to infer did kinda detract from the reading experience. There's something inside me telling me that you should develop the story further in order to make it more clear. And yet I do realise that you have kept it short exactly because if you were to lengthen it, it would not give the effect any more which you wanted to give; that of loneliness and wondering (at least, that's my interpretation).

Still, it is interesting and quite nice, if only after reading it a few times to understand it. Haha. Keep on publishing those stories!

I actually really liked this! The way the narration is written really fits the time period--it's very proper but that's a good thing. Also, your nameless main character intrigues me a lot, and I actually really like her. I especially liked her conversation with the governor. Your description was also very good, especially when the governor got splattered on with slush. This was very nice.

There was just one grammar thing I noticed, when your main character says "You're a a fowl man" --it should be foul. Fowl is like a baby duck, or something. I can never remember.

yay second chapter!it was really interesting and it's starting to set up a possible plot. the governor could become a major character.
but back to the first chapter :)
you still have that you don't know the gender of the voice, but then so quickly you mention that you realize it is a man, and even more, that he is connected to your childhood. i think you know what you need to fix :) i would revise the whole part where you say I can’t recall a thing they said, or whether the voice belonged to a man or a woman. it just obviously doesn't fit- maybe you just missed it?...but don't worry about the chapter length. sometimes the a shorter chapter can say just as much as a bigger chapter-it depends on the words. take maximum ride by james patterson. the biggest chapter couldn't have been more than five pages, but the book was still amazing, and it helps for fast reading cuz a reader will be like, oh just one more chapter, then i'll stop, and then after that, oh, just..you get it. but that story had a lot of action in it right from the beginning, so...why did i mention that? XD
keep writing!! :D

It's nice so far, and you have good writting there. Update please I'm excited what will happen next... euh yeah.

wow. though it's short so far, the story's really good. i liked the whole vagueness about who the "I" was, and how intelligent "I" seemed. however, I felt the gender of the character should at least be written, or hinted at. some questions though, if you do get to read this review: when you say the man's voice, that's who it was, a father: my father, do you mean that that's the voice in the beginning of the story? if so, i think the character figured it out a bit too early. it doesn't give much significance to the fact that she couldn't remember what they said or who they were. so i hope you keep writing. i wanted to read your story because that element of amnesia is also in one of my stories. please update!
rmzucker

Dude that's a creepy memory
thanks for the fav

This was a good read, but I found myself tuning in and out. The whole story is a huge metaphor, which could explain my lack of interest. Also pertaining to that fact is that I am also watching the Republican National Convention as I both read and write this.

This one sentence got me here: "Nothing now but memories, and dreams of the faceless man, a heartless father stains my mine, not letting me forgot why." I think the word "my" should be "by" and the word "forgot" should be "forget". Then again, I could be wrong. It could be the whole, extended metaphor thing.

Speaking of extended metaphors, this one has to be one of the best I've ever read. Sure, that may have something to do with the fact that I haven't actually read many extended metaphors, but this one tops that list and it'll stay up there since I thought this was actually really good for what it was. Good job.

It's interesting. You have a very nice way of writing.
I like the description; the paragraph with the 'angels' was beautifully told and I could picture what you were creating.
The piece is still a little confusing though, and it takes a while to grasp what your trying to say, but after you read it and then think about it it makes sense. I'm looking forward to reading more of your work. =)

Very interesting.
I liked the flow of it because the choice of words was nicely done.
The format of the piece kind of confused me at first because it was in italics then regular font. But after a while, I got used to it.
Nicely written.
~P7

I like what you're aiming for. I think it could be a really great work, but honestly what it lacks right now is some sort of flow. You have bits and pieces of conciousness, but at the end I was left confused. Was the man's voice you mentioned in the last paragraph the same voice you originally question the gender of? I'm very confused. Also I think you need to make more clear when you are thinking present tense in the story and when you are experiencing the dream.
I look forward to what becomes of this piece!