Wow, wow, wow. Great ending to a great chapter. I was a bit shocked to find out that Ash was a girl, I though she was a guy through the first chapter. :P I love Garvais. Great character, especially the 'OCD' thing.

very nice. I love the character, and will definitely read the rest when I have time. Good descriptions, it gives you a good sense of how thirsty he is (I guess it doesn't help that I was thirsy before I started reading this) I like the short, broken-up sentences. It's kind of how you expect a person in a psycho-clinic would think and talk.

Religious zealots like that freak the hell out of me, they make me really uncomfortable. Linda's my new favorite character.

Heh, I like Ash a lot, she reminds me of some of the characters I come up with. Defeated by a wrist-watch, given my luck, that will probably happen to me one day.

I like this introduction to Gervais, he strikes me as one of those people who's insane in their own sanity.

I'm curious to know what kind of disorder Ash has now!
Nothing too wrong seems to be wrong with the story, I think.

But in the first chapter, there's a mistake where it says "I an barely step a foot".

And this sentence in the first chapter also seems awkward to me:
"I collapse sobbing tears that are acidic and bite away at my skin as they make their trails down my cheeks."
Is there supposed to be a comma or period after collapse?

How nice of you to return to this one...I was so hoping you didn't give up on it.

Yikes. Scary harsh mom, for sure. I like the description and comparison of her to Ash, nicely done. Having her speak Latin really drove home the zealot like nature of her, like I thought it might. Good call to go with it.

Pretty good installment...just don't make us wait so long in between, eh? Cheers! -=x

Out of character? Did someone actually say that?

I think not. The control freak is gone, and the smart ass is gone, but we're all different people around our parents, no matter how the relationship is built in reality.

Still strong, still believable, still worth reading.

-DJ, your Roadhouse compadre-

So glad you updated. I love this story.

My fav line? [It sounds like she's selling my soul; I couldn't be entirely sure.]
Cracks me up... Devil in the left ear? That's an interesting one.
Love Ash, Tia is an oddball, and pretty cool to have a zealot mom who speaks latin.

Can't wait for more. No glaring mistakes that I can find.
Hope I didn't miss any...

~Cae, down at the Roadhouse

Interesting, how well her mind functions in spite of all the medications. She's showing some signs of being a bit of a control freak herself, obsessively noting the little details about him, and unable to cope with the watch.

This story has great potential, and I can't wait to read more.

A little slow on the uptake, apparently. Ash is a girl. Thought maybe I missed that in the first chapter, but it seems that it wasn't outright mentioned until here.

Andre reminds me a bit of myself, in that I would have to straighten the pencils, if it were a place I would need to be.

Poor Ash, though... her nightmarish fantasy has crossed to the real world, as they sometimes tend to do.

This plays out, thus far, like an intro of Twisted Metal: Black. Hopefully, Ash doesn't find herself behind the wheel of a big killing machine. I like it.

Ah, the asylum. Such a lovely place.

Ash's mania is well written and strongly felt. And the description, that's done well in the first place, becomes ever more vivid when he goes to his black black place.

I don't find anything to say "do this to improve," so I'll just move on to the next chapter.

Thumbs up!

Heh...I do believe I rather like the character of Ash. Slightly insane with a smart ass mouth, and red hair? Sounds like my ex...maybe that's why I like her?

Anyway, the little exchange between doctor and patient amused me greatly, especially Ash's response after the doctor wrote it all down. Guess we see she's going to be a handful for old Gervais, eh?

And how interesting she thinks he's someone else, as it would seem the two have only just met. Of course, she's insane, so can we be sure of that? Curious...

Aww, she feels safe now. I'm guessing she's in for a surprise come next chapter. Ops.

Anyway, nice job. Keep 'em coming!

This review brought to you by The Anti Silence Squad at The Roadhouse. Cheers!

I'm melding all of the reviews into one and hoping that it's more helpful than my pounding headcahe is, lol.

I really liked the chapters and the way that you allowed everything to come together easily. Ash comes off as one of those characters from the movies that everbody thinks is bonkers, but they're actually not. And the receptionist made me laugh. Her semi-dead outlook came out in her voice.

Great chapters.

C.S.

I`m gonna lump both chapters in one long review! And thanks a bunch for the dedication! (:

The receptionist seemed pretty incompetent. I mean, she gave up way too easily! Messy too. Tsk.

"All but one was vacant, yet even with the one inhabitant, there was no sound, not even the shallowest breathing, to penetrate the room's thick silence." I loved the imagery here. Not sure if it was intentional, but the short conversation with the nurse seemed to build up the tension, and that sentence just stretched the silence to the fullest. Then the nurse spoke, adding to the... feeling? I`m not sure I`m making sense, but yupp. (:

Jumping to the 3rd chap now!

Again, I love Ash`s voice. It`s mixed and confused, but still able to keep in control. That`s the best part, I think.

Now for a little nitpick, because that there prompt says I need to write a well rounded review.

"looking through his file interestedly" Somehow I don`t think he was "interested" in his files all that much, maybe pretending to shuffle through. The connotation from that doesn`t exactly fit, since you implied he knows Ash and she hates him. Maybe he was trying to play it cool, so a word like "coolly" or "indifferently" might work (:

"other world"... *echoes in head*... Just brings up a whole `nother can of worms. So is this a sci-fi? Fantasy? Action, even?

Keep updating! Awesome job so far!

`Goblin !