That was really well written. It's extremely sad, but it wasn't corny sad. Good job!

I like that you have a hint of punctuation in this, but why isn't this a trend throughout your poem to make it look complete?

I wasn't particularly fond of the phrase "Ever and ever" because I think the saying is 'forever and ever'. Ever and ever seems like a form of that stopped short of what it's supposed to say. I know I don't make much sense in this paragraph, but what I'm trying to say is that there seems to be something missing in the phrase 'ever and ever' that bothers me.

I like your description words in here because they contain lots of emotion behind them. Great job!

I didn't really like the title as it seemed a bit odd, but I decided to give this poem a shot and I'm glad I did.

-silv3rdr34ms
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thats really good.
i just recently started writing poetry for FictionPress and I would love for you to read & review some of my work.
i would love feedback from such a talented writer like you!
thanks!

"Ever and ever causing her pain." I liked this line. It really emphasized the character's pain. :)