|Reviews for Parents|
| Amaya K. Lilium 1/22/10 . chapter 1
I can definitely relate to this poem. I especially like "You both have less than 40 years to live and you're going to spend it making yourselves and everyone else miserable" and "being cranky over things you won't even remember tomorrow". Those lines uniquely convey your emotions and thoughts. I think the line breaks are wonderful and the last line sums everything up very nicely. The only thing two things I would change is the lack of punctuation in the beginning, and the fact that you used numbers instead of writing out "forty". The number thing is my personal preference, though, and isn't really a big deal.
| asylum writer 4/8/09 . chapter 1
Review Marathon prize. Yeah... it's really, really, late. Sorry.
I got worried after the reading the first two lines - one 'fuck' and one 'hell' in seven words. I was like, "Is this all going to be an uninsightful rant filled with swearing?" (Not that I'm not guilty of occasional uninsightful rants and swearing, but they've been done a lot. Especially where parents are concerned.) But then it wasn't uninsightful - there was actually a lot of truth in it. ("You both have less than 40 years to live";"being cranky over things/You won't even remember tomorrow".) Thanks for some actual intelligent observations of parents.
And the swearing? You didn't use it again until the end, so it added a lot more that way.
I like the placement of the line breaks. "Making yourselves/And everyone else/Miserable" - I'm not sure why, exactly, but I prefer that to it all being one line. Maybe the separation gives the reader more time to appreciate what's being said. I like the one-word lines too. It draws attention to those more important words.
So... Congratulations, rather belatedly.
| Princess-anna57 10/26/08 . chapter 1
Oh wow well that was very straight to the point lol. O_O Good one. Keep writing girl!
| fatbird33 8/24/08 . chapter 1
oh my goodness graious. someone was mad at their parents. good job getting the emotions out in your writing. i could definitely feel the anger. i liked the last line
| Counting Petals 8/21/08 . chapter 1
This didn't seem like a poem, so much as a rant. (Though I'm probably stating the obvious here.) I'm not sure if you planned on doing anything more with this, or if you're just going to leave it at venting...but yeah. I did like, though, how you didn't swear every other word, because it made your words have greater impact.
| dragonflydreamer 8/21/08 . chapter 1
Congrats on winning the Review Marathon! Here's your first prize review.
Wow, this is /so/ true. I'm sure a great many readers can connect to this.
The topic of them only having forty years left to live was very true. It seems like they are /dedicated/ to doing exactly what you said. I like how that whole section had a sort of ranting feel to it, and then the seperation of "miserable" not only gave that word significance, but also ended the section of thought.
I'm not a big fan of the f-bomb in fiction/poetry, but you put it to good use in this. It had a lot of impact how you opened and closed with it. It showed the strength of your anger, and the circular feeling of starting and ending with it made it feel like it's not going away any time soon.