I found a couple of spelling errors, but I can't find them again. Literally, I had them all written and then I accidentally close the page, and now I can't find them again. I know at one point you said "id" instead of "is and "murdered" where you should have said "murderer." You have no idea how terrible I feel that I lost them, because I really want to point them out, but I can;'t find them anymore! Ugh!

As for the story, I don't like vampires but this is only a one-shot and vampires usually take a good three or four chapters before the lack of obvious characterization becomes glaringly apparent. The characters weren't annoying to me. Actually, I liked them, in small doses. Keep this as a one-shot.

Ha! Looking through, I found one of the mistakes:

“What is you name?”

"Your", not "you".

Okay. Good story.

But, it's not an obligation! I enjoy it ! =)
I really truely love your stories!

Review Game!

Interesting story! I enjoyed your cast of characters. The introduction of their true nature was very intriguing--I'm a fan of Anne Rice, so I like the dramatics (not to say that your story is too much like Rice's works--I think yours is reasonably original). Good development, and I enjoyed the ending. I think the story could have used another grammatical read-through (I should know--I've posted enough mistake riddled stories on this site). Anyhow, there were a few problems I noted that I wanted to point out. I know that you'd probably catch most of the mistakes during another read, but I thought I'd specifically mention a few. . .

"...it wouldn’t be fare to anything...": "fair" would be correct, but this reads a bit awkwardly, even if corrected.

"No one else was here. . .": This also reads a bit awkwardly because of the tense and placement. Perhaps you could rephrase the beginning of this line?

"I laughed at myself as I realized the comet, or whatever, that had whipped out every ancient animal on earth.": Perhaps you meant to say that "I laughted at myself when I thought of the comet..." or something similar.

There were a few times when you began a new sentence after dialogue and left the first letter of the first word lower case. For example, "...yours?' my eyes...": after the dialogue, "my" should begin a new sentence and be "My." Also, when this sentence continues, it seems a bit redundant: "my eyes grew wide, I tried to enter his thoughts, but he had some sort of barrier that prevented anything from entering." In this case, it would probably suffice to say "...I tried to enter his thoughts but couldn't..."

Another thing you might want to check for is the use of the comma when speaking to someone: "'I think you do Julia...'" should have a comma between "do" and "Julia."

I hope that was helpful. Keep writing!