 chartonjeremiah 2008-08-25 . chapter 1Like the other reviewers have said this is simple and effective. I can clearly imagine someone saying this as they are travelling home thinking of the one they love. Personally, I feel like there should be three stanzas and that the first one is missing. I would love to see that first stanza. These two are wonderful. |
 Landcaster 2008-08-24 . chapter 1Ha, I was listening to Simon and Garfunkel's Homeward bound reading this; it went perfectly. A very nice poem. Thank you. |
 Zoey McCusker 2008-08-23 . chapter 1Hey! I'm glad you wrote something! I was beginning to wonder if you'd died or something. :)
Yeah, like you said, it didn't flow the best it could, but the message was still very clear and down to earth. I probably liked the first half better, though. :)
Good work! |
 Ernest Bloom 2008-08-23 . chapter 1I do like it.
You could make it more universal by changing the last line in stanza 1 just a little to: "We always end up home." Also, all those periods except for the last one should be commas.
stza 2: "it's" is a contraction for "it is"; lose the apostrophe. And I might change that last sentence to: "Don't ever think you're all alone."
Something like that. |
 kloun mannequin 2008-08-22 . chapter 1aw, the last stanza is very sweet, I don't know, but the first lines make me think life's a journey. |