"but it just. doesn't. quite"... I like the addition with the periods, it's a really great addition to the flow, but I might add another one (or two) after it and quite.

I really like all your descriptions with sour and sweet, you use sweet terms so many times, but none of it seems repetitive. Rather, it creates a nice sense of continuity.

PS If you're bored this weekend check out the Review Game's Review Marathon (link in my profile)

i enjoyed this. it was a beautiful taste of sweet reality. your play on words really made the poem.
good job, your message came across clearly and the construction of this piece was neat.
hope to come across more of your work later!


--sv