 simpleplan13 2008-09-03 . chapter 1I liked the first two lines, the format and the context, but I didn't really like that las line. I'm not sure why, though... lol. There's nothing wrong with it, I just didn't like it, sorry! |
 Amarone. 2008-08-28 . chapter 1Hah, excellent point. I do love your use of punctuation and formatting here - the colons, italics, parenthesis, etc. Imagination = defense life? That's a first, but it makes perfect sense, now that I look at it. Just a tiny thing, and this is simply my opinion - I suggest putting a period after 'creation', just to end your point. OR, put a hyphen after 'creation', which would immediately take the reader to the next line - not only that, but it would also put some emphasis on the last line - a sudden realization, or a solid conclusion. The way it is right now, it seems to cut off too abruptly, too bluntly, almost. And then the last line is just sticking out of no where, an airy question lost in space. But of course, the poem is still well written, and very deep, either way. Nice :) |