The first half was so funny!

Be sure to check over the chapter. I think there are times you leave out commas that you could use, using periods for commas, using commas for periods, excessive semi-colons... I don't know, I'm no English master, so I'm not saying that it's wrong or not. Just check to be sure.

Can't wait to read more!

Very interesting. Great narration. Will there be more of this? I really love the idea of it.

- Koki