Well, you had me until I read that it was just a tooth. Ha ha, i'm kidding; it's very good, if only about a tooth. A like how you placed all the pain adjectives as one; such a scrunching together adds to the delivery. Excellent job, Peace.

"achingthrobbingpiercing"
I like the run-on here, as if each sensation blurs into the next, as if the pain takes on many forms, though one symptom is not very noteworthy from the others.

"Rip it out or cut me open"

I enjoyed this line. It was like saying, 'destroy it or destroy me'.

lol, And I also like your inspiration for the poem itself. I laughed when I read that part. XD

-Ramen

I think first and foremost the title "Pain" is a bit weak because as you've pointed out there are so many poems out there looking exactly like this.

However on the whole I found the poem quite strong, especially the second spaceless line, and the 1st line of the 2nd stanza is probably the best line overall. The last line again seemed a bit weak, partly because there is no rhyme there and the meter is very irregular, and also the concept there is not that striking.

lol its good liked the a/n

Haha, I remember reading this poem and feeling surprised.

I liked the exaggeration of how much a toothache can hurt, because of how it could be interpreted. A message on simple things? Either way, hopefully the toothache is gone now.

The lack of punctuation in the first stanza was odd, especially because of the second line's format.

I liked the usage of "finally" in the last line; puts more emphasis on the pain and how long it's been going on.

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Och! xD

Wow. I never knew there could be so much angst from a toothache. But then again, I've never had a chronic toothache before unless you count wisdom teeth coming in as a chronic toothache. Haha.

I believe "never ending" is supposed to be 'never-ending' or maybe it could be either or depending on your preferences. I guess what you already have is a bit more powerful than my lame suggestion. lol.

Why aren't there any commas in the first stanza? Of course, depending on your preference, I would have thrown in a bit of punctuation spice in there for formality's sake. "The pain is never ending: / achingthrobbingpiercing; / an unidentifiable cause." -- or something like that.

I like that you used the word 'finally' in the last line - it gives me an inkling of how long this pain has been torturing the speaker. The author's note at the end made me feel a little bit better because I know that this isn't about self-harm. Haha.

Happy Valentines Day, love.

xoxo
Your Blind Date

konnichi wa

*chuckles* I find it almost comical that this poem, which looks at first glance as if speaking about heartbreak or all the other teenage angst that people have written about on fp, is actually about a toothache. Of course, there is absolutely nothing funny about toothaches. I can completely empathize. I have allergies that attack at will, bringing pain and itchiness to all areas of my face: ears, eyes, nose, and teeth especially. The pain in my teeth often has me wishing for a drill. I actually once took a pencil and stabbed myself in the ear because the itchiness finally drove me to insanity. Not the brightest of ideas, obviously. Luckily, I did not stab deep enough to cause any permanent damage - just a bit of bleeding for a little while. My hearing, thank G-d, was left undamaged.

You should see someone about that, though I am sure you already have. Orthodontist... Actually, my suggestion would be to make an appointment with an ENT (ear, nose, throat doctor) because often pain in the teeth can originate from the ears and vice versa.

I hope you find the cause. I don't know if I would be able to handle that on a continuous basis. It is bad enough being a continual pain, but to make it constant? *shakes head* I wish you respite from the agony. :(

Ha det
-Shan-

A year of toothache?? I would go mad. >< Good luck, and I hope you get it solved soon.

everyone can relate to this, whether it be a toothache or a heartbreak. great job, and I espeically love the no spacing in the second line.

I was thinking when I read it... angsty teen poem about cutting. Then I read the A/N - hahaahha. Made me laugh, not in a horrible way :] I like it. Especially the second line of the first stanza.
-Amy

Review Marathon prize review!

I don't really like the lack of originality in this poem. Pain has been done a lot, and I enjoy it when someone's poem causes me to see pain from a different angle. You said it best in the A/N with "your typical incredibly angsty poem".

You also said in the A/N that it was about a toothache. I liked that twist, but... it would have been so much better as part of the actual poem. As an A/N, it was just kind of an afterthought or something. I would have liked it a lot better if it had been typical angst and then surprise! it's a toothache.

I did like "achingthrobbingpiercing" all run together like that. The word choices were good, and taking out the spaces made the pain seem that much more overwhelming and all-comsuming.

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Your word choice is all right - after all, in poetry, choice of words is everything - but what really bothers me about this poem is the lack of meter. Sure, the lines line up, but poetry is meant to be read aloud, and the last line in the second stanza is really off-beat. By precendent, it should have the same number of syllables as "an unidentifiable cause". Instead, it has too few - "will finally subside". It's jarring. Blank verse, more than any other form of poetry, must be exceptionally aware of the rules it is breaking; this poem is not so much a poem as two not-especially-poetic sentences.

Secondly, this doesn't offer anything *new* to the world of poetry. Physical pain as a metaphor for other kinds of suffering has been hashed, re-hashed, and left out to dry; if you want to write anything meaningful regarding pain, you've got to be pretty damn innovative, and this poem falls short. Hell, it would be interesting to see you use emotional pain as a similie for your real, physical pain, since the reverse has been done to death. In order for a poem to be *good* it must, besides being well-arranged, be unique. This isn't unique.

(I apologize for the harshness, but these are my feelings on the matter.)

lol This is the first poem I've read about a tooth but it makes so much sense!

lol good luck with the toothache

the poem is simple but true (i never thought it'd be about a tooth...)