Reviews for Anathema - FictionPress.com

Reviews For: Anathema

Mister Black 2008-09-06 ch 3,	I have a gripe here...I think Veive is moving way too fast. I mean thematically, not literally. She was able to give Rodran the slip in the span of a sentence or two...I think there's an opportunity so show off a few key aspects of both her and Rodran in a chase like that. You know...odd hesitations, lingering thoughts, etc. It's a great place to leave clues. Also, poor Ibis's psyche is built from paper clips and pipe cleaners; it's very fragile. It appears that a bad string of thought could set her off-kilter, and eventually knock her off into the ravine where Veive hangs out. I'd also like to echo my feeling from the previous chapter: Rodran is starting to feel inauthentic, the way he's being such a caretaker. Why would he be so nice? Now, to be honest, this isn't that big of a gripe...it can probably be fixed with a few human-interest moments here and there, or a quick scene with Ibis when they first meet and she's not trying to cack his mom. Happy Saturday, 8.Black
Mister Black 2008-09-05 ch 2,	Voices. Well, that's interesting. I was a little shocked for a moment, as I thought our guy's going to try to use the serial killer, hoping to aim her at a bad person. that's bad...it never ends well. But, it appears she's none too happy with them either. And he's got a copy of her favorite CD...nice. He's really warming up to her, isn't he? ... Okay. Do we have some backstory coming with Ibis and this gang? Its mention caused her to go from apologetic girl to KILL KILL KILL quite quickly. Why's that? As for Rodran getting close, sure but I'm kind of feeling that it's happening too quickly. He's really taken a liking to this killing machine in the span of about 12 hours... And we've got a clue about Ibis's condition: she is unaware of whatever the other personality is doing while it's in charge, although she can hear it when she's in control. Since that's the case, my "coin" analogy in last chapter's review is okay, and it's fine as-is. Two different people is fitting for this condition. sorry for getting ahead of myself, it's just that we're real big on being crazy where I'm from. Click, 8.Black
Mister Black 2008-09-05 ch 1,	Whoa. So...um...okay. We have here a little girl who, quite frankly, is completely insane. And she's going to cack some poor, unfortunate lady who made the mistake of not being well-practiced with her keychain. And then, she gets stopped cold. Well, I'll admit it, I'm intrigued. ... All right, so here's what I've got so far: We have a pretty kind and caring young guy, who apparently doesn't see eye to eye with his mother. Also, we have a girl who is clearly not healthy from the neck up. Okay, let's actually review now, shall we? In response to your opening questions, it's too early to form an opinion on Ibis. She's being presented twice, radically different each time. So, I don't know which one to believe. Therefore, I can't honestly decide how I feel about her...we'll see how she goes. As for the chapter as a whole...we're dealing with a healthy dose of insanity. when that's the case, (and this is just my preference), I prefer a good amount of scene-setting that casts a pall of normalcy...which gets shattered abruptly. Also, I'm feeling odd about how Ibis acted the first time around, when compared to the second...mainly because the change is so drastic. Instead of being two sides of the same coin, it feels as if she's two different coins here. Which is rad if she's literally another person in the meantime (multiple personalities, posession, etc.), but if she's even a little bit her normal, apologetic self, I feel that there should be a string connecting the two versions of Ibis. Or, maybe I'm just speculating too much after reading the first chapter. Shall we see? Click, 8.Black
Nicola Guills 2008-09-04 ch 3,	Well, you can write thats for darn (pardon my french) sure! :D But, there are some instances, like the actiony parts, that I feel could be drawn out just a teensy bit more. For example the part where Ibis runs out after pushing Rodran. Why not add a BANG! OR some clattering silverware that falls as she pushes past the diners in the kitchen? Startled shouts? Rodran rubbing some bruises, where is the...meat? (wow, I just realized that is the wrong choice of word, but...whatever) One track mind remember? At this point, I'm visualizing the scene as like, a silent black and white picture movie, when what you should go for is a full scale, blockbluster color movie! Do I make sense? (I tend to ramble sometimes) Just draw it out a bit and It'll be golden. Oh my, girlish giggle I just love Rodran, he is so kind and caring sigh. What do I think of the characters? Rodran is like, my fav. He is sweet and kind...but why is he so caring toward Ibis? Does she remind him of a long lost love? Is she some kind of surrogate for a dead sibling? Idk But its weird though, sweet but wierd. I like Ibis. She reminds me of, the incredible Hulk. Two people in one. If she could harness V, she'd be awesome but right now, shes kind of creepy. Like Wednesday Adams. ;) I like her though Shes very likeable because she can't control what shes doing and shes sweet. I don't, however, like Rodran's mom. Shes a meanie. :D Well, I hope I answered all of your questions to your statisfaction. :D If not, feel free to PM me with your concerns. :D ~nicola~
Nicola Guills 2008-09-03 ch 2,	Rodran has quite an inner delimma going on dosen't he? Hmm...will it all work out or go to...ya know, that um, bad place? :D Anywho I can't wait to find out. This story has my interest, do continue it and I'll be back to read more. :D ~nicola~
Nicola Guills 2008-08-26 ch 1,	Um, I refrain from using the word "creepy" because it was interesting as well and kept me reading. Ibis certainly had a hard life didn't she? I find myself wanting to read the first chapter. I hope Ibis finds a way to get over her split personality. When the first chapter is up, let me know. I'd be interesting in reading it. :D Ciao! :) ~nicola~

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