Cute little chapterino there!
I didn't realise Susie was a teenager...she sounded like a mean school kid before XD But of course we know she is not mean, she's a teen, therefore she is misunderstood :P

[they started walking down the road, towards Annabelle’s house.]
I don't think that needs a comma though. This also seems to be a reacurring thing, lots of commas popping up periodically (lookit! that's a vague joke! :D) but I suffer from the same problem, so no worries!

[Annabelle frowned at her, knowing that Susie had said something bad, but didn’t quite know how.]
The wording here doesnt seem quite right.. umm... maybe try it as 'knowing that Susie had said something bad, but not quite sure how'?

[But not seven year olds, according to Mummy.]
Gosh! There is such an underlying innocence here.. it's wonderful.

Great use of the word 'haunches' btw!
Yet again, lovely chapter, short but effective.

Oh Mi Gawsh.
That whole but with the lamp in the mirror? Creeps-ville! And totally awesome!
I love the way it's written from Annabelle's perspective, and the use of the word 'Mummy' is wonderful.
One teeny, tiny thing that I noticed is you seem to use the word 'something' quite a lot;tThe phrase 'something told her' is crops up a lot, maybe use 'it seem to her that'?

This is looking very good, children + mirrors + suspense = me in chills XD
I'm gonna go ahead and read chapt 2 now! Whoot!

Interesting, I really like how it's in British XDD
Rofl great start I'm curious as to what happens next C:

blessed be

I like this. It's nice that you wrote in the perspective of a seven-year-old. The innocence of the situation and the voice really shows through. I wonder what's in her mirror? Hmm...
I like the mirror's copying of the lamplight. Creepy but almost...comical in a sense. I imagined this little ghost and his expirementation on human objects in this other world. The tapping was interesting too. Almost like Morse Code. :) Like a little ghost or creature was going to communicate with her.

Nicely done.

- Apple

A/N - why is that there? Really, it serves no purpose except to add to the total word count.

I expected this chapter to start where 3 left off - it doesn't...

Verb tense - needs attention. You use both past (Annabelle hated black) and present (As she realises that, she knows she really doesn’t want to be here anymore).

Of the four posted, this is the best written in my opinion. I like the change of voice back to Annabelle. I like the description of the setting. The voice is nice and consistent. The main issue is credibility and consistency. She's running, trotting, walking, talking -- jerky action.
Also, she's 7, and she's doing complex math. Most first grader's can't run past a tombstone and do the subtraction in their head. And the flow of events seems a bit off - again, not sure how we got from Claire/Morgan -- to this...Not sure where the plot is going. So, while I like how it is written, and how the voice begins to tell the story - I think there is much more you can do with it.

An odd aside - so far there are no men in this story. It's not necessary, but it did strike me. You mentioned 'no dad' in chapter 1 - will you ever bring that up again? So far I have many questions and few answers. My main suggestion to you would be to link some of this stuff up before you introduce more mystery.

I hope my reviews have not been to critical. I tend to focus on what I see as areas for improvement rather than what I like. I will say that the dialogue in this chapter is good and well paced. Hope to see more of the same in chapters to come.

Opening: You did it again – Claire – who is Claire - How did we get to this scene – how much time has passed? Who died? Don’t have your characters know things your reader doesn’t know. Be upfront. This chapter overall feels very "gamey" – and it’s not mysterious – it's frustrating to the reader and you will lose them if you continue this habit.

Example: No funeral was ever exactly a fun day out – but this one was far more dreadful than most. The entire church was not just heavy with silence, but flooded with unspoken, tangible horror. {really – why? Don’t throw this kind of thing out there and march on without explaining.}

The woman had been barely able to look at Claire, never mind little Annie, {Is Annie short for Annabelle? Probably but you use this like it’s another character by switching back and forth. It's confusing. If you want to introduce this nickname my suggestion would be to use it in dialogue first}

Cardiac arrest, the doctor’s said. {and this leads to a church filled with “horror?” – again who died? I’m completely lost at this point}

Characters: This is what I think has happened (mid-chapter check) tell me if I'm wrong : Susie died, Claire is “mummy” and Gloria is “grandma”. Annie/Annabelle are the same. Susie is Annabelle’s sister? Wow, I would never have gotten that before this – and I’m still not convinced I have the relationships right. Still not sure who Morgan is……


Awkward stuff:

Claire stared after her, clutching the newly tender patch on her hand. (Patch of what?}

Where her daughter had learnt that trick, only goodness itself could know, but any form of chase or discipline right now would only make a scene, and after seeing the consuming despair on her old friend’s face, {old friend – who?}

There, stood next to Gloria, was Morgan. {verb tense}

Ending: Interesting cliff hanger – I think – but it leaves me more confused than inclined to turn the page. I need to know why this is such a big deal. Is Morgan dead too? That’s the only thing I can think of. Wasn’t Morgan supposed to do something in Chapter 1 – I’ve forgotten - in my opinion you've taken too long to reintroduce this character if she'd critical.

You don't need the A/N at the top of the page. It interupts the flow and I would recommend you remove it.

Opening: How did we get to this scene – how much time has passed – who is Susie in relation to the characters in the first chapter. I’m just sort of thrown into this – and while the dialogue is striking, it lacks transition and loses the reader.

Dialogue/Flow: I didn’t understand this line: ‘At least, not until your ten.’ Susie adjusted her first claim, pulling the leaf off a passing bush and shredding it between her fingers. {I still don’t know how old Annabelle is (is this two years, five years?) and you lose the flow with the line above. Combine the speaker dialogue and combine the thoughts so that is flows smoother. I’d put the “at least until your ten” right with the last dialogue phrase and put Annabelle’s movement and response together. It’s choppy all broken up and I had to reread at least two sections to figure out what was going on}

Language: Be careful about slang; {excerpt} ‘Add a girl, we’ll make a Havard of you yet...’ {I don’t know what a Havard is – should I? Is it slang or a last name?} ‘Tell-tale brat.’ {Did you mean tattle tale? I’m not british but here are two examples in one chapter of terms I am not familiar with = keep things simple.)

Characters: {excerpt} Annabelle didn’t think to tell her unofficial minder of her mirror problem until they were back in her kitchen, drinking the rest of Susie’s chocolate milkshake, a treat that she’d bought herself before remembering she was on a diet, again. {Annabelle is fat? You’ve never mentioned it before – is it important that she’s on a diet? This seems very random. Her Unofficial Minder – is Susie baby sitting? I thought they were the same age. Again, I need to understand more about what the characters look like, ages, etc. I’m having a tough time relating to them without a clear visual image}

Opening: I like the premise but the “all because of Susie and stupid television.” Either needs to be explained or eliminated. You don’t talk about Susie again for another 750 words and even then you don’t say how she relates to the plot.

Characters: I don’t have a visual picture of your main character – age, etc. It would help to know this a bit sooner and help me relate – is she 6 (and therefore inclided to have fears, or 15 and therefore sleeping with mom is unusual). And Morgan? Who is Morgan….you sort of threw that in the dialogue without explaining.

Flow: {excerpt} One night Mummy really shouted when she caught her, and ordered Annabelle to go back up to bed and stay there, before she could even open her mouth, which was, in Annabelle’s opinion, most unfair. {? This is awkwardly phrased}

Flow: (excerpt) Gloria wasn’t Mummy’s sister, but she came over all the time, and always kept Mummy up watching television and mostly talking about stuff Annabelle didn’t really understand, and didn’t really care to. This wasn’t the case that night. {This is just sort of wedged in here – do I need to know this right now?}

Dialogue: Traditionally I see quotes as “, not ‘. You are consistent, but ‘ tends to be for thoughts vs true dialogue. It’s a style issue, but I found it confusing.

{excerpt} ‘She probably doesn’t think she is lying.’ She heard Gloria’s croaky tones say, {awkward, can’t you just use “Gloria said”}

This caught my eye -- Annabelle knew the short silence that followed was not a good one. It made everything inside clench. {inside where?}

This was really well written. Your description of some of the characters really created a picture in my mind, such as 'her thick mane of dark hair forced down into a heavy plait." I like that a lot. I also think you handled Annabelle's charcter well. She acted like an real little girl, and I especially liked how you have run off at the end, it seemed believeable in the situation. My only suggestion wuold be to make the chapters longer. I felt this could have gone on more, and where you ended it just didn't seem like a natural place to stop.

Both your summary and the first line of your story are great hooks. Supernatural parasite living in her mirror. Who wouldn't want to at least take a peak where that's going? You do mention as a disclaimer that this story is random. I just hope it isn't too random. Even with a great concept, without a solid plot it's hard to get into. Not saying you don't have a plot, just that you may want to take out that disclaimer as it might suggest you don't.

I like the voice you have going. It's got that no-nonsense, matter-of-fact tone that reminds me of Roald Dahl (which I've always liked). I also think you've done a good job of capturing the inside of a child's mind while still making the writing seem insightful.

That was a good reveal about the fact that her mother is keeping a secret from her. I liked how you linked it into the conversation about Annabelle's own concerns, which may or may not be related at this point. Overall, I have to say good transitions in this story.

The conversations flowed well and the dialogue felt natural. I think it could have been a little better with some body language, if perhaps Annabelle could have been spying at them from between banister supports or something instead of just listening.

Overall, I'm interested and I want to read more. I wish we had a little bit more information on what this 'thing' in her mirror is, and what it is that has convinced Annabelle that this thing exists.

I like it so far! :) The mom is too overprotective thought! I would hate that, it would drive me insane!

Hm... so Susie's dead now. A heart attack. Right in Annabelle's room. Wow. B/c of the mirror, and whatever's in it?

Very intriuging. I'll have to keep an eye out for more. Update soon!

Hmm... will Susie be aware of it too? Or just think Annabelle's lying like everyone else?

Still interesting... on I go to the next chappie!

Aww, poor Annabelle. Very interesting. Well written.