(Breaths in) (Breaths out.)

I wrote a story much like this only a few days ago. My character had a name - Daili - and i think, in a way, it make the reader feel more connected to her. Maybe you would like to do that? Just a suggestion. Also, that would allow you to decrease the amount of "she's" that you have. But it is good, and i do understand why it was flagged.

good work :)

Forged.

It's good. A little more detail would have been nice, but I totally understand the timed essay thing. I have to do those all the freaking time and I hate it! I can see why it was flagged though. To get into AP Language, we had to write an essay and the prompt was something like "write an essay about a place, real or imaginary, that conveys a strong emotion." So I wrote about an abandoned house where a lady went crazy and then hanged herself. But I didn't get flagged because my school is too lazy for that shit. So sorry about that, I know it must be frustrating. Keep up the writing!