is there goin 2 b more? i've read to chap 25 and is there goin 2 b more? WRITE MORE! Please!I'm dyin here!

This beginning wasn't as dynamic as it could have been. I think it would have been more effective if you'd just started with Olivia being kidnapped, making us wonder why her parents weren't doing anything instead of just telling us right away what her home life was like. You might also try to give us more of an emotional reaction so we can get inside Olivia's head more, instead of just telling us what's happening physically - right now it feels like I'm watching it like a spectator instead of actually physically living it.

I'm really curious to see where she's being taken, though. =)

-starsarewatching

when in the heck are you writing again! THat was weird, cool, funny and exciting! Keep writing

this story never stops getting better!

i still can't decide on Tim though.
is he good?
is he bad?

i can't tell...ugh!

great story.
can't wait for more!
:D

This chapter was interesting since Olivia is still headstrong and dealing with the many hormones of womanhood.

"both boys thought instantly, then stuck their heads out of the roof of the window to see Olivia passed out against the gate"

- What is this sentence supposed to convey? The phrasing of it draws attention to it and distracts from the overall power the line has at the end of the chapter.


Kudos on a great chapter

Olivia's escape attempt shows a lot about her, especially the fact she weighs all her options before attempting it. She is a headstrong girl and she makes a great and somewhat comical main character.

The end scene for this chapter is priceless. I can just imagine them feeling completely awkward about it. But it does show they might see her as somewhat human, despite the fact she's kept inside the manshion.

kudos on a funny chapter

This chapter sets up Devin as a likable person. It shows that he is able to be kind and understanding, even if does end up being fake, it makes Olivia's situation that much easier to bear.

Also, great job getting across "We are so rich we have so much money and material **... " It's a great detail to add in, but coming from Devin is seems like the Face of the Day.

Kudos on a good chapter

This chapter really captures the character set up for these people. I really don't like them at all.

"HE wore a dark blue pinstriped suite and a black tie with shoes to match the stripes."

"She looked up to face them, hands still tied and her KNEES feeling weaker than before."

Kudos on a though-provoking chapter

This chapter is very powerful, especially the fear you've written from Olivia's perspective. It's enjoyable to see a realistic and natural scene for a kidnapping instead of over dramatics.

"“Who are you and where are you taking ME?” She asked meekly."

Kudos on an interesting chapter

aw. well, i go to boarding school now, and i hardly ever have time to read fictionpress or fanfiction or anything for that matter. so, i only read the best when i come home. this story is so enthralling, and it really makes you think you know.. about what i would do if i were in olivias situation. i mean, damon treated her so bad, but she loves him. it really makes you think. it also makes me really eager to read the next chapter. so update soon! :D

Wow, that was brilliant!
Sorry for reviewing so late. The chapter undoubtedly answers a lot of questions, but hasn't really gone that much further in the plot line...
Waiting for more!

xx
ASG

I LOVE THIS STORY! I jus finished readin all 25 chapters nd cant wait 4 more...this chapter was very informative being that all along i didnt think the characters were black and that Damon had feelings. It would be nice if the dad was in the picture more cuz he seems so aloof but thats me. you dont have to change it lol. Love the story!

Hey,
WO NICE CHAPTER!! :D I really liked it. And if you looked back from the first chapter to this one, your writing has improved so much!! Can't wait for the next one, great work! :D
ranDUMM

Wow! This story is awesome! Brilliant start :)
Can't wait to read the rest of it!

hey, sorry I haven't posted any reviews for awhile. I was either reading it on my phone or on the stupid desktop that wouldn't let me open popped out pages. anywho...

this is going to be a try for constructive criticism, but you can just ignore it if you want, because its going to be about the characters. up to you: every chapter, Olivia is crying. she is starting to become really predictable. now, that might be what you're trying for, but it makes her character kind of boring. (my opinion) she's been in captivity for months now. she's crying over some pretty small stuff considering. if I were in her shoes, I'd be angry. if the love story between Olivia and Damon is going to work, maybe throw in some conflicting emotions. all he's done is wake up to find her in his house as his present. she's traveled halfway across the coast, been knocked around, gone through hell. she has to be feeling some animosity.

I'm sorry if I said something wrong... I'm not trying to tear your characters apart, it just seems a little surreal for an abduction, =/