it is a good idea. very sad but very meaningfull.
there are a lot of errors though:
1) the first sentence should be "Disney world is an amazing..." and the word is planes not plan.
2) why is 'clouds' in half quotes and italics?
3)she was asking Ralphie muliplication questions or multiple questions depending on your meaning
4)when you bring up amelia's name, put it like this: ,Amelia,
dashes should not be used there
5)“it may take some time for the medicine to take effect.” is how that sentence should read
6)–the other child who came for me- replace the dashes with commas
7)her illness should be alluded to at the beginning of the story, so it doesnt seem arbitrary
8)when she coughs, you dont need to write cough.
other than these things (and a few awkward sentances) this is a very nice story.

So this was kinda morbid, haha. I actually really liked your description in this; I felt like I could see the devastation. It was horrifying but at the same time very good. And I liked the way you took an innocent example of childhood (Disney World) and had it be the first thing destroyed.

Some grammar stuff (all minor typos):

"a plan comes in" --I'm thinking you mean plane, here. That's definitely a typo you want to fix, because when I read plan, I was really confused for a few seconds.

"I asked multiply" --multiply should be multiple

"it had mad" --mad should be made

Review Game!

Your style in this is very desriptive. It painted a good picture of the setting and made this very interesting.

I like how you didn't specify exactly where this tok place, because it leaves it up for the readers' interpretations.

I didn't particularly like your first paragraph; it wasn't as descriptive as the others. Also, the way you opened it almost reminded me of an essay opening.

Overall, great work! :D

Interesting story. I love how you use a lot of detail to describe how the setting of the story is like. It gave me an extremely easy time understanding the conditions of that lifestyle. I recommend that you edit your puncuation and grammar a bit. It was a little annoying, but not too distracting (and it is always a great idea to check you work a few times after you have written it). Overall, this is a good story. Keep on writing!

That was interesting, and different from anything I've read on the site so far. You had a few mistakes combing present and past tenses (it's hard, I do it too) and there were multiple spelling errors that confused me, like in the first sentence. You spelled 'plane' as 'plan' which gives the wrong impression completely. I was also a bit confused by the Disney World talk, but then the ending cleared it up a bit. It might also help if you explained where this was, is it supposed be in the future, where Disney World actually was bombed? Or was that just a metaphor for a crappy childhood?

It was very dark and oddly haunting and interesting, however, I would have liked to have heard more about this colony and what the disease was before she died and why she was in that room and basically everyone else. I feel like you only really scratched the surface of something that could be really intriguing and good.