[Once her dear friend Miss Jewett (who she had grown accustomed to copying every action since the affect that Beth received was quite a positive one) leaves her raw for her to defend for herself, she might not know what to do when people sink their drama laced talons into her until she starts bleeding from the heart.] This sentence sounds really strange to me. It's mainly the words in brackets that leave me stumbling across the rest of your story. Maybe something along the lines of... "Once her dear friend Miss Jewett, (whose every action she had grown accustomed to copying..." and I'm at a loss for what to do with that second half of the sentence in brackets.

Your writing style is really nice though, I'm tempted to read more of your work (if there's any, I haven't had a chance to have a look at your profile page yet). The quotes fit in well too, congratulations on a good story.