|Reviews for Dark Room Romp|
| Violent Werewolf -Kyo Kusanagi 8/1/11 . chapter 1
Did...did this actually happen? Because I am EXTREMELY jealous now. XD
If your friends did this, and you caught them, in this much detail, you would make a great spy.
So short, yet so intense. Your writing style on this was beautiful, as expected Heart. I think I held my breath at a certain part, but I was picturing it so well that I don't even know. This short little exert just blew my mind.
| Starleaf 10/15/08 . chapter 1
"I asked myself, as I stood back watching as if it not me yet were someone else."
I told you I'd check out your stuff eventually! :) Thanks again for your comments / advice!
I really liked this a lot. Short but powerful. Intoxicating.
Here are a few grammatical things that stuck out to me:
I think this is either a typo or just worded a bit off. I'd probably change it to "... as I stood back watching as if it weren't me but somebody else".
Also, you aren't too clear as to where she first bites him. I thought it was the neck at first, but then the narrator says "This time, my target was the nape of his neck". You might want to clear that up, seeing as the first target one would think of is the neck, especially if the "attack" comes from behind.
" His grip on my thigh tightened as he began to dig his fingers to me from the pain." I would reword this as something similar to "His grip on my thigh tightened, his fingers digging into it from the pain".
"Under the tense shutter of his body, I felt him." Did you mean "shudder"? What did you mean by you felt him? ...Oh, okay, I get it. Haha. Oops. Well, the reader doesn't really get it until they read the next sentence (or maybe its just me, I'm slow).
You said this really happened? Haha. xD Damn that carnal lust.
| Vector Phantom 9/4/08 . chapter 1
Sorry for the short review, but its getting late so um I guess I'll just say that I love your narrative, its simple and easy to follow, while still being interesting to read, something hard to pull off for many people.
| KomoriBlade 9/4/08 . chapter 1
OMG! NO... Be good chillens!