Hello, LadyPendragon! Nice to see you again! :)
I am reviewing to say all of the things I didn't say in my Betaing emails.
I like the premise you have, here and the fact that you didn't introduce Kyle until later on. Many good stories are ruined because the author got ahead of themselves and crammed all the important people into the very first chapter, which always makes me a little sad. But you did a good job of pacing yourself. The characters are nice as well. Like I said before, even though he does seem a bit irritating, I love Kyle's personality. Wahaha. The charm of arrogance cannot be denied by any. XD
On the other hand, I think the way Carmen behaves is more fitting for someone younger than him. I don't mean he's immature or anything, but I think he blushes a bit too much. It is pretty cute, though. ;)
Anyway, besides that, I love the story! And it's slash, too! (LOL. I love Yaoi. Most of the time.)
Ciao! (I know Italian! Yay me!)

Aww I am In Love, please dont tell me you are finished XC

Aha, I loved this chapter.

Kyle and Damien are funny, although Kyle is a perverted sex craved freak. Oh and poor kid, he sounds so cute though. I just want to grab him and lock him in my closet, and feed him cookies XD

Great!

Aww, its so sad but gold. I would read more but it is 3 am, so until later Ado :)

Man this is good, I am in love, this is freaking great !

Wonderful beggining, and the ending was something else. Great Job, you write quite ACE XD

I love Edward. He reminds me so much of my best friend. What kind of dog is Max? I was picturing him as a golden retriever, but that breed is too large to fit in a box...unless it was a large box? So, I'm confused about that part. My favorite part was when you were describing the accident. It was so emotional, and I could feel everything Carmen was going through. I could picture the truck coming in slow motion. Excellent. I especially liked the line about the rain drop landing right where his cheek was pressed against the window. That was great. Looking forward to more :)

I got so caught up in this relationship between Edward and Carmen that I forgot all about Kyle! Now I'm really in suspense. This was another very well-written chapter. Very enjoyable to read. Have you ever read the Nightrunner Series by Lynn Flewelling? It's not very well-known, but it's my favorite, and I think you would really enjoy it. Check it out if you get a chance! Anyway, very good job on the story. :)

Only the first chapter of this story and already there is so much emotion! I can't wait to learn who the blonde man is; he seems to have quite a connection to the boy. It's so sad that he lost his voice in the fire. You describe the whole situation very well. I'm excited to read more :)

I'm not sure if this is one that I'd like or not but I'm definitely interested. I hope the slash/yaoi takes a VERY back seat in this story...
good work so far.

.sw

so far I like this, it's a bit choppy though and needs more flow to it.

I saw this posted on your LJ and decided to read it in one go. It has a good start to it, things are happening and I think I got to know Carmen pretty well. The ways he is a child and (sometimes) a man in his thoughts is very endearing. He's been hurt badly and he was such a quiet little thing to begin with. He is indeed one of those characters you can't help but wish happy things for because there doesn't seem to be a bad bone in their body.

Kyle was a throw off for me... I would have thought that as a therapist, he would have had a much more mature thought process. He's careless and too selfish for me to appreciate right now, but I can see that his lightheartedness and debatable maturity are just what Carmen needs in his life.

Edward... now that is a tricky one. You looped me over there with the phone call in one of the chapters and made me think he's someone's puppet. I can't help thinking that Wyman is involved somehow; especially since you brough up this long lost brother in the same chapter or near to it. I like Edward's personality as a freely loving and very caring person so I am not so certain that I would like his alter-ego persona as the head of Fallen Angel Records, the one that the public (as you said they did) call him an Ice Prince. I would love to meet that Ice Prince, though. In any case, I do like that Edward has a weakness in Carmen; that part of the story has potention to go so many ways.

The only other thought I have about your writing is the first person narration. It's... very raw. A little too raw for me sometimes. I feel like I am being dragged into the story into one perspective so closely that its difficult to get out of it and into the next character. At some point, the refittings get tiring to me, jumping from one perspective to the other so sharply. I guess that's what I get for reading all the chapters straight through.

All in all, the plot and the story are good and I really like how you have shaped your characters. I feel like I honestly want to see where this story goes and who these people will become. I look forward to seeing Kyle in action taking care of Carmen, and I want Carmen to succeed as a character. I don't know where the main focus of this story is yet but I have a feeling its not going to be on the technical side of things, the true psychology behind what Kyle does for Carmen --which is fine. I don't mind if you avoid discussing the details of the therapy. You can always just open scenes speaking of the session ending, or of the progress that's been made. Getting to the point is where I want to be heading right now... you have my attention with this story and I do hope to see more!

Thank you also, tenshi, I'm glad that you got in touch and wrote back to me about my fiction. I hope I can do the same for you and give you the snippets of my thoughts about your own stories. Good luck!

I have to say, no offence, but I don't agree to Aikida. I think if you're a 17 year old boy, and you're scared, your voice doesn't work any longer, and you just found out that your parents are dead, the "afraid" and anger will come later. Logically, a person, especially a teenager, will most likely be in shock at this point, to the point that crying I would think would be a very real emotion. Also the despair of not knowing your future, who would take care of them, and just being thankful someone WILL be there makes the last chapter seem pretty real to me. Honestly, so far the only thing of their personalities or emotions I felt was off was Edward calling Carmen "Sweetheart". Generally, men don't do that to other men. (Unless you're going for a flaiming steriotypical gay character. But if not, pet names such as honey and sweetheart generally aren't used)

~Cassandra

So far I'm interested in reading more. I only have one suggestion so far, and that is to, perhaps instead of switching between 1st and 3rd person, you use limited 3rd from the character's POV's. Or if there will be more than just a few main characters, just write in 3rd person. The flip-flop between 1st and 3rd I think might get annoying after awhile.

I'll save anything else until after I finish chapter 4. So far though, I want to read more! Always a sign of a good story ^_^

~ cassandra

Another awesome series, I’m hooked up already!