Amazing

In the opening line "Evie shut the door behind her and locked it, using all three locks.,"I feel as though a slight tweaking of this would draw readers in more effectively. It also feels redundant to say that she "locked" the "locks." You could use a synonym like "bolted" or something to that effect.

Additionaly, the phrase "A talent, they said, she had for causing people to do that." is bothn a fragment and a spliced sentence, neither of which are particularly appealing. A slight alteration such as "It was, they said, her most recognizable trait.," would be an improvement.

Furthermore, I believe you are writing as you would speak, and whilenot altogether bad, it can improve your writing to alter your phraseology to the point that you do not over use the mundane words of the vernacular.

I give you my criticism in an attempt to aid you, please do not be offended.

~NDF~