Hm...now where should I start off with this review? Oh, I know! Orange! Yes, orange. I would have used apple, but the Comtemporary Society text book beat me to it. So, I'm using orange cause it's original, and I won't be sued for plagiarism...hopefully.

That was a really good story. By the way you were talking about it, I was expecting that you were using an idea that had been played out so many times, with terrible cliches that made it utterly predictable to the point of being boring. (Although, I'm not saying that all cliches should be avoided...some of them are just natural to use - like the good guy always wins one way or another. Unless the protagonist is the bad guy...then they only win if their aim was harmless, otherwise, they most likely die in the end.) Of course, if you had, I would have stopped reading five minutes and told it to your face, rather than type out this review. Be lucky that you have talant as an author. And if you argue that point, you have to take it up with my...people's people's people...despite that I have no people to begin with and that you could just as easily walk up to me at uni and say it to me then.

The way you brought us into the plot was very good. I liked how immediately the letters with the photographs were brought up, it made it very easy to pick up where Trey was at in consideration to the plot. Especially because this was a onefic, you don't want to lose people in the details before the story actually begins. I cannot tell you how many fanfics I've seen that will try to squash in so much detail, that practically half of the story was just describing the character's life and not even forming any progress towards the storyline. Sure, it's quite fine in a novel where you have almost twenty chapters for the plot to unfold, but when you're only writing one chapter, it's not the best method.

You were consistent in using the messages as little twists that were gradually leading us through the story. They were kind of expected...yet unexpected. Hm...not sure how to put it. It was more like, after a certain point people could expect that the letter would come, but when it did, you wouldn't know exactly where it would lead Trey next. I thought it was a pretty clever plot device to keep the audience interested in the story. Since it just looks like the majority of mankind are curious (and for those aren't, they had no idea what they're missing, literately) people would just want to read it to find out who sent the letters. Some where pretty funny, like that one 'R' for 'Running' when his car was broken down. I loved that part, because that just seems like the worst situation for anyone. You're running late to school, but you're not worried because you know it only takes ten minutes by car. Just as you start the car, it won't start because it's broken. And because waiting for the train or bus takes too long, you're only left with one option - run. Lol. I could feel his pain, but not enough to not see the hilarity in that situation. It's always funnier when the misery isn't happening to you.

However, those three letters that didn't make sense, E for Elephant, Y for Yellow, I for Infamous, at first I was half expecting some infamous yellow painted or dresed elephant to stamped down the road and over his car...well I wasn't expecting for his car to be destroyed, but it would have been funny, just to see the poor guy's expression. When elephants appear, and cause random destruction, it's always so funny to see the person's expression (even if you need to imagine it in this case) because they have such a priceless look. At least he'd have an excuse not to do his homework that day. Who needs a dog to eat your homework when you got an infamous yellow elephant to do it instead?

Despite the lack of an infamous yellow elephant that was set free to destroy the street *cough* still good. Even if Trey's death did made me upset. Poor guy, never even got the chance to find his so-called stalker before his life was taken away. If it were reality, that would be an all time suckage (and I'm aware that's not a word, but heck, it sounds good there so I'm leaving it). That was just evil. Killing him off before he discovered the mystery...pure evilness. I don't think that anyone can argue that there's a reason worse than dying to not complete something. However, that made the ending very unique and unpredictable. From the moment that these mysterious letters were first mentioned, most people would have instantly assumed that Trey would at the end find who was the person sending him these messages and photoes, but the twist that he died before he could figure that out was brilliant. I doubt many people would have expected that to happen. And the good thing about that was, the whole idea of the guardian angel, makes it so that even if Trey died, it wasn't a sad ending. He still had "something" afterwards, and because of that he got to find out who it was that sent him the messages.

Although Diana, I'm kinda wondering what was it that happened between her and Trey before that made her say that she hated him. It's obvious that she has a crush on him, and I wouldn't mind if a little more had been divulged there. But I suppose by the way you ended it, having it clearled noted that there were still many things about Trey that the audience still don't know about him, explaining his "relationship" with Diana most likely would have ruined that effect. If anything, I think you should make a sequel to this story. It would be great to see how Trey takes to life as being a guardian angel, especially when he no longer can have chocolate! The horror! I think I'd rather move on than give up the ability to taste chocolate. There is nothing worth that sacrifice. Well...except the one exeption we talked about. I still stand by that point.

Reading your other reviews, I do agree with the points that Miki DeMillion made. Trey's name should have been mentioned earlier...it's hard to relate to him when you use the generic term "he". As the protagonist, he should be distinguished from the zako (Japanese for nothing man. I know technically the term is used when there's a battle, these would be the nameless henchmen that are beaten in one attack, but I like using the term for the "extras" that fill the fictional world. They basically have the same role) in the story. Having a name makes it much easier to have identify him as an individual rather than using general terms that could be used on any one. Also, when it came to narrative, I was actually confused for a while when you first brought the I's in. If it weren't for during half way when you were more consistent, I wouldn't have realised that the entire story was written in first person. Narrative needs to be evidentally consistent, as not to cause so much confusion. Other than that, still a good story. And don't feel bad about the stuffed up paragraphs. I think sometimes, it's the server that stuffs up randomly when uploading the document. This isn't the first story I've seen screwed by bugs in the server. Guess it isn't as often nowadays, but it's still there.

Well I think that's all I got so far. Honestly, I've half forgotten most of what I've said so I'm not sure if I had more to say without repeating it. Also, I have to stop anyway. Only allowed 10,0 characters, and I'm quickly running out of space. ^^; Keep writing, and I hope to see more stories from you. By the way, now you have another long review! Congrats.

I like stories with a lot of dialogue for some reason, so that was quite awesome :D
I enjoyed it very muchly (: is there going to be more?

-MH-

What a great story! Loved the photo mystery and because of it I couldn't stop reading. That's a good way to draw readers into the story and, once there, they'll read to the end. Nice job.

The story characters were interesting and developed enough to make them memorable. The story flowed. There was always something new introduced to the storyline to keep it moving forward.

I think you should look into writing technique to improve your writing skills. Maybe Google 'fiction writing techniques' or something like that. Things such as 'Point of View' and 'show not tell', some of the basics, will help you develop your skill.

For example, when I was reading the story I was annoyed by the constant interruption by the First Person narrative. At first I thought it was you, the author, inserting your thoughts into the story. It took away from the forward flow of the storyline. I had to stop reading and think, who is this person now in the story? Then, when I went back to the storyline I had to recall what the Third Person narrator had been doing before the interruption. It's confusing to the reader. It made sense later in the storyline when you introduced the First Person, but I think it should be made clear early in the story who is speaking to the reader. If you have both a First Person and Third Person narrator then it needs to be clearly defined for the reader from the start. Not saying you need to reveal the surprise but at least make it known the First Person will be there throughout the narrative and that it's not the author interjecting into the storyline.

Also, along the same lines, the character Trey is not introduced until much later in the story. Up to that point he is a vague 'he'. Why not name him up front? It helps the reader identify with the character. A generalized 'he' keeps the character at a distance from the story. The first thing a reader wants to know when deciding to read a story is: Who is talking, where are they, and what is happening?

And I already mentioned the introduction of the First Person narrator could be handled better.

There are areas in your story that could be written more to 'show' what is happening and how characters react. When a story has too much 'tell' it can read flat. Choose areas to develop more into 'show not tell'. This helps draw a reader into the story and from what you 'show' on the page a reader intreprets the information on their own without the writer 'telling' them what they should be seeing. That's another one to Google - 'show versus tell' in fiction writing.

I really enjoyed this story. Kept my interest even with the problem areas I've suggested. The ending was satisfying even though it's still a mystery. Very original. Keep writing. I hope you research more the techniques to use to take your writing to the next level. Very nice work.

This is still one of my favourite stories ever. Especially since you fixed the paragraphs. :)