-hug-

:) CD

This is a really good topic choice. Lots of people can identify with this and would appreciate your writing on it.

I haven't mentioned this so, you know your punctuation is very good. Weird thing to mention, but after reading so many things today, lots of people do not use punctuation where needed. And I haven't ever gotten confused reading anything of yours in this, so good job on that. It's very much appreciated. :)

There was very light repetition in this. Just here and there. It was nice and flowing and spaced out.

-Peach, from the mighty Review Marathon of the Review Game Forum! (link's in the profile! you should check it out!)

I really love the mention of Yin and Yang. That Yin came to you when Yang left him. So it was like you knew they were meant to be together, but you fell in love, regardless? Anyway, I really enjoyed reading that as a substitution for a person.

You are apparently, a big fan of repetition. And you use it well. This poem was full of it, and I didn't mind it at all. You only repeated half of the stanza and then altered the second half. It was a nice twist to reoccuring phrases and kept me interested.

-Peach

The repetition was so well used in this. I loved the repeat of the first stanza toward the end. That was probably the biggest part of the rhythm and it really established the feel of the poem.

You used a lot of description to appeal to the senses. Sight and sound, especially. It was extremely easy to have an image in my head and see what you were writing.

-Peach

I loved your stanza breaks. You left two words at the end of each stanza and a couple of times, you separated the stanza between a stutter. So I thought that was really clever.

You expressed all the emotions very clearly in this. While I was reading, I kind of felt like I was the person. I could feel it from your point of view so well. So great job!

-Peach

I like your mention of hoping someone will stop you from jumping (ehem, 'falling' in love). I like that contrast between the beginning and that end. Especially considering your asking /not/ to fall in love because you think you know better. It's kind of refreshing from the other romance poems.

All of your paranthesis were really clever. It was good commentary to put in there. It was nice to read because it was like putting in a private thought.

-Peach, from the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)

The rhymes in this weren't as good. 'Cry' and 'lie' were used too much. It started to all blur together and I felt like I was reading the same thing again.

And I'd like this better on the left, too, I think. When the lines are such different lengths, I tend to think it doesn't look as good centered.

-Peach

The alliteration in the first line is a neat thought. It sounds very poetic and it starts the poem off nicely.

Again, your repetition is impressively used! I've commented on people's use of repetition so much today (from the marathon) and most of the time, it was because it wasn't done well. I'm pleasantly surprised. It adds just enough to your rhymes.

-Peach

I love this. The rhyme pattern you used I hardly ever see, and I love it for this. It's not often that people rhyme the same rhyme that whole way through the poem, but this has such a definite rhythm. Great job!

Your repetition is well placed, too. I liked where you used it and how. Overused repetition just sounds silly and weird, and you didn't do that.

And I like your format. It look nice on the left and single-spaced. Very organized and clean.

-Peach, from the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)

I like your topic. It's hard to write about something that's so touchy and not 'politically correct'. So I enjoy reading the works by people who post it, anyway. :)

I think some of your lines could be combined. Unless you're using a monometer or a diameter, one-two word lines sound really choppy and break up the flow of the words.

-Peach

The ending was amazing. I love it. The tone was so wistful and unearthly; it was such perfect closure to this poem.

They watch the world from up so high
As Selena brings around the night.
And with a sad and wistful sigh,
They vanish out of sight.

And your rhymes were overall really, very good. They sounded natural and flowed effortlessly.

And I really liked the reference to mythology. It's great when authors put in allusions to other stories people are familiar with. It helps the reader to connect with the poem better.

Great job!
-Peach

I think I'd like this better on the left. The length of lines looks odd centered to me.

This is a really interesting topic. I haven't seen anything very much like this on FP, so I appreciate the originality. :)

The repetition, by the way, was so good. I liked the broken up repeats and then how you altered it at the end. It added a lot of rhythm and contrast from the beginning and end.

-Peach, from the Review Marathon (link's in the profile!)

This is a wonderful play on words... Love suicide! Ah! How brilliant!

I especially love this one... It's gorgeous.

Beautiful... No, dear, your poetry is full of fragrance and smells nothing of disinfectant.

-Alien