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| Emily Freeman 2008-09-10 ch 1,   | I like this! It's really haunting and I found the repetition of 'he came' very effective, it adds a sort of supernatural/mystical feel to it. I like the description of 'empty, warm hands' as well, because it contrasts the negative of 'empty' with the positive of 'warm'. One idea that might improve it; how about beginning the final stanza with 'he went' to contrast with the 'he came'of the other stanzas? That would round things off nicely. A strangely beautiful creation. |
| Mr.Cooper 2008-09-10 ch 1, | pretty cool. check out my stort Qwerty |