 B. J. Winters 2009-04-08 . chapter 2I read all of these. I'll comment here because I was left haunted. Such imagery - and I nice picture that creates empathy.
My favorite line: the razor still hides in her favorite book, tucked between page 345 and 346 -- you can touch it and see the spice of detail. It made me want to know what book, and what was written on that page.
Much enjoyed. |
 nevermore199 2009-01-12 . chapter 3So the smiling adults in my life like to tell me that I have a gift for drawing out heartfelt emotions. But I think you've done that a lot better with all of these--and this one, most definitely.
So...yeah. YOU IS BETTER. YOU IS TEH AWESOME.
(...uh, yeah. Nice job. Sorry; I'm never very coherent on reviews...) |
 An Inside Joke 2008-12-02 . chapter 2I like this chapter better because it gives more of a personalized view of the charecter, in the details of how she reads her diary. It still feels a bit general in some places, but the stream-of-conciousness diary details really strengthen this chapter. |
 An Inside Joke 2008-12-02 . chapter 1I think you needed more detail for an opening chapter. Right now, the focus on the general pain overtone gives hte story a bit of a generic angsty feel. You could set it apart a bit by adding more personal details about this main charecter. |
 ode to melancholy 2008-11-20 . chapter 3 Like I ever would. I think it's very sad, actually, though of course brilliantly written. |
 MakeSarahSmile 2008-11-19 . chapter 1The quote ties in perfectly with the story. I especially liked "alone, she breaks. her body hits the floor without grace." It almost rhymes, in a way. Or maybe that's just me. |
 detache 2008-10-22 . chapter 2Well written.
I like the quote at the beginning, said by Mariah, apparently.
I must steal it. Haha.
If that's okay, of course.
Just to post on my Fictionpress or MySpace or something. |
 Written 2008-10-22 . chapter 2LOVE the word jungle in relation to hair.
[her virginia slims still rest inside the back of her speakers, the sweet smell seeping out with her music and lulling her into peace.]
this is gorgeous. love the placement of all of these things. very bitter piece, but I loved it. you do really well with making me feel. |
 Written 2008-10-22 . chapter 1your writing is so stylish.
I love the angst in this piece...
[her body hits the floor without grace and her limbs are so scarred, they all look the same. ]
love this line, it's got a lot of... um... physicality? is that even the right word? uh, this is why I don't write things with big words, but you know what I mean? there's an evocative image here.
and then the idea that she doesn't want to stop hurting ties in with the quote from the song really well. |
 ode to melancholy 2008-10-22 . chapter 2 Isn't the fact that nothing ever change common knowledge? If not, then the stupidity of people just went up a notch. Either way, I adore this. |
 Emii-x 2008-10-21 . chapter 1i like this, it's one of those angsty pieces, which i love, but what made it bad for me is that not enough detail was added. |
 a certain slant of light 2008-09-12 . chapter 1[Hmm, so, I've been talking to echo and now I'm talking to october? xD For the record, I think that no one can ever understand another person entirely.]
This is lovely. Reminds me quite a lot of myself. Sort of. I would love for this to be a collection. |
 detache 2008-09-11 . chapter 1Beautiful. I'm looking fowards to reading more of this.
I assume that the lowercase letters are on purpose. That's a really fun style to write in. |